HA HA HA HA!

When was the last time you giggled, cracked up, or rolled around on the floor holding your stomach? I don't know about you, but my world has gotten far too serious. Paying bills, exercise, raising kids, work, meeting deadlines, grocery shopping, laundry, cooking...leaves little time for merriment. Not only must we make time for a little levity, but we also must surround ourselves with people that make us smile.

You might think that spending my days with 7th graders would provide me with plenty of opportunity to let loose, but you would be wrong.  Kids are way too stressed out.  A simple request like, "Write down the quote on the board and reflect on what you think it means," elicits a barrage of inquiries.  "Ms. Valvano, what side of the paper should we use? Do we have to write down the author?  Are you going to collect this for a grade?  How many sentences do we have to write for the reflection?"  I wonder if their struggles are mirrored by the adults that fill their lives.  Do my own children see me acting silly, or am I just another grumpy person shuffling unhappily through life?

I recently made some new friends at church.  After a night of coffee and talk, I awoke the next morning wondering why my seldom used stomach muscles were sore.  As the week went on, I found myself chuckling out loud as I remembered our silliness.  Each time we gather together, joy seems to follow like an invited guest in our group.  We come from all walks of life. We have been beaten up and knocked down. Yet, for me, difficult experiences have made the amusement I have discovered all the more sweeter.  I have forgotten to put on my facade of togetherness that usually greets strangers.  Gone is the need to impress and the nagging doubt that wonders if I will be liked and accepted.  Despite the mean looks at several restaurants and a church service, I will not quiet down.

Treasure the individuals that God has placed in your life, but if you are in rut, maybe it is time to make some new friends.  Do something totally out of the box.  Have a cupcake fight, watch a stupid movie, or come hang out with me.  Instead of counting calories, I am going to start keeping a tally of my squeals of delight.  This girl just wants to have fun:) 

Just keep smiling!!!

MY FANTASY

When I was growing up, I created a list of pretend friends that existed only in my world.  I won't bore you with the details, but my sister Nicole can confirm that I had quite an imagination.  In fact, when my Mom would force us to take naps before my Dad's basketball games, the two of us would cuddle together and I would spin elaborate tales about  Ms. Tubalard, Judy Candles, Mikey Miller, EE, Omee, and Baby...(don't ask).  At the ripe old age of 42, I believed I had left my make believe days far behind.  And yet, sometimes I wonder if I am actually living in reality.

Why do I still believe that a knight is going to ride in on a white horse and save me?  How have I managed to perpetuate the idea that I should be Queen of the Castle?  At the very least, I should not have to be the person that actually cleans the castle!  In my fairy tale, there is no sickness, divorce, or calories. I imagine that love lasts forever, everyone passes their end of grade tests, and children always obey their parents.  The world has not been living up to my expectations, and so like a stubborn child I have simply refused to grow up.  I moan, groan, eat, drink, pray, complain, cry, and eat more all in an effort to numb my dissatisfaction with the way my story is unfolding.  I have two choices...stay hidden deep inside of my fantasies never realizing the woman I should have been...or put on my big girl Spanx and start moving forward. 

Starting today, I will find the extraordinary in the ordinary.  I will celebrate the beauty in my brokenness.  I will not be afraid to face the truth.  I will stop making you who I want you to be, and love you for who you are, or choose to walk away leaving room for another.  I won't lie, I am a little afraid.  What if I can't make it in the real world?  The truth is...I can't fail...you can't fail...we have already been saved.

OUCH...THAT HURTS!

A few friends have challenged me to  create a gratitude list to post on Facebook.  I wholeheartedly agree that we should take the time daily to recognize our blessings.  This simple act keeps our eyes fixed on the gifts that often are pushed aside.  A book that my friend Christine gave me has inspired me to record 1,000 things in my gratitude journal in the coming year.  As I scribble my daily musings, I always walk away with a smile on my face.  There has been one item that I have intentionally left off the pages...PAIN.

How do I appreciate cancer, divorce, a broken heart, a crying child, struggling students, depression, and sickness?  We cannot live in denial that bad things happen in our lives.  Rather than pushing the hurt aside, I have decided to look intently at the lessons I have learned...

Heartache draws me closer to God.  I pray harder, trust more, and refuse to give up.  I don't just talk the talk, but I walk the walk as a believer.  During the darkest hours, Jesus has never left me alone.  I can boldly tell you that there is nothing that this world has to offer that will give you freedom from pain.  However, I can assure you that your circumstances may NEVER change, but God's grace is sufficient. 

Pain has given me wisdom and maturity.   I have learned that nothing can replace unconditional love of family and friends.  Those individuals that stand with you based on how you look or what you have to offer them are not walking in love.  How we treat others when we don't get what we want, is a true indicator of the condition of our soul.  Another friend of mine is memorizing 1 Corinthians 13:4-13 with his family. These verses provide a Godly definition of love that challenges me to think twice before I say those three little words "I love you."  Am I impatient, boastful, rude, easily angered, vengeful...?"  YES!  I don't want to cause others pain by pretending to love them when I continue to live a self-centered life that reeks of my desire to get all of my needs met.  Pain has enabled me to cut through the BS and stretch myself toward the kind of LOVE that will not be easily destroyed.

This morning I have thousands of items to place on my list of blessings, but I want to wallow in the pain just a minute longer.  Not to feel sorry for myself, but to feel the healing power that has rescued me from the pit.  My circumstances will not keep me from moving forward, looking up, and loving others.  The pain does not stand a chance against the kind of love that surrounds me each and every day. 

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

School has been in session for 4 weeks now, and I have had the exhausting honor of getting to know 115 7th graders.  Hours have been spent practicing new locker combinations, organizing notebooks, and reviewing material that must be mastered.  My class started out reading and writing poetry.  One of the boys in my room raised his hand this week and inquired, "Ms. V., why does everything in your class have to be so emotional?"  I chuckled and replied, "Because life is emotional!" 

One of the reasons I connect deeply with literature, is because of the feelings that are stirred up as I devour the written word.  My students have a difficult time expressing themselves partly due to their age and partly because they have become a little robotic.  My own son primarily communicates in abbreviated messages filled with acronyms and emoticons. He is most comfortable when the teachers tell him exactly what he needs to do to be successful in class.  Down time might entail television or computer games.  At 14, he is at the age where he rarely tells me how he feels or what is going on inside his brain.

My days at school and at home are jam packed.  I am certain I am not alone in feeling overwhelmed by the hectic pace of living.  Our children are hurting, stressed, and struggling to articulate what is going on deep inside.  I have pledged to do my part and listen to the young people that have been entrusted to me.  I am going to take a deep breath and begin our journey together.  At school, I will look up from the computer, the lesson plans, and grade book to see the magic that is waiting to be uncovered in the young minds I meet daily.  At home, my boys and I will learn to talk to each other about our days.  I want to hear about the adventures Jake is experiencing in High School and the imaginative stories that Grant spins every afternoon. 

When was the last time you sat down in a moment of silence and asked yourself, "How do I feel?"  Did you take the time to listen to your own voice and respond to the desires of your heart?  Start with you, and then go out and touch those you love.  Listen to them, ask questions, and show that you want more than the chit chat that has become common.  If your children seem distant and hidden behind technology, go for a walk and show them what they have to say is important.  It might take time for them to begin to open up to you, but don't give up.  The poetry that was written by my students proved to me that our young people have not forgotten how to feel, they just don't know anybody cares.  I do...do you?
 

THE NAKED TRUTH

A break from school allows me to spend hours watching trash television.  I have noticed that adding nudity to almost any situation has become entertaining.  I had heard of the Naked and Afraid show where individuals are forced to survive in harsh environments without even clothes on their backs.  My 14 year old son assures me that this show is compelling.  Buying Naked chronicles the journey of nude home buyers, while the real estate agent endeavors to keep eye contact during the entire process.  I admit maybe I would tune in to that show to check out the real estate (if you know what I mean).  Dating Naked is a reality show that is about to hit the boob tube...sorry I couldn't resist.  Really?  As a single person, I must tell you that dating is scary enough without throwing in the whole nudity thing. Where do you even go on a date if you are not wearing any clothes? 

The irony of all reality television is that there is actually no element of authenticity. I know I am stating the obvious, but fake is the societal norm.  Lush hair extensions cascading down our shoulders, perfect Facebook posts, carefully worded dating site profiles, and selfies from flattering angles are acceptable forms of trickery.  What happens when the weave falls out or someone posts a picture that uncovers that we don't have lips that are always in the kissing position?  While television is embracing the idea that we should take it all off to expose our bodies, I am dying to witness and connect with the ugly, glorious inside of the human condition.

One aspect of getting older that I fully embrace, is the fact I am too tired to pretend.  There comes a time when we need to be emotionally exposed and discover who is left standing with us.  I have spent years obsessing over how I appear to the outside world, while at the same time hiding the God given gifts that make me shine.  If our paths happen to cross, I want to see the real you.  Don't look away.  Cry if you are sad.  Tell me what is really going on in your life.  Take a risk and get naked, and I will do the same.  But one thing is certain...I'm keeping my clothes on.  You can thank me later:)



   

HE CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!

This is the time of year where many parents nervously or happily send their children to summer camp.  My son just came back from a week at Camp Kanata.  I think that he had a good time, but these days I don't get many details about his life.  A good friend of mine received a heartbreaking note from her son that read something like... I hate it here.  I am not having any fun and I wish I could come home now.  She was devastated to think her child was miserable and that there was nothing that she could do to rescue him from the situation.  Even though we prayed daily, I am certain it was a long two weeks until she could see her son.

The words that were written by this camper seemed to stay with me for days.  It was as if he had captured the sentiment that I had been afraid to speak out loud to God.  As I Christian, I feel guilty sometimes just saying to my Heavenly Father, "I am not having fun right now.  I hate what is happening in my life.  Could you please save me from this pain?"  On a good day, I choose to write in my gratitude journal or read an inspirational book in an effort to find some peace.  Other times, I might overeat, cry, or stay in bed with the covers over my head.  Have I lost the ability to be brutally honest with God? 

I am sure my friend would have liked her son's note to be filled with stories of adventure and good times, but instead she received his plain, heartbreaking reality.  She grieved as a loving mother, she prayed, but she did not bring him home. Sometimes when we honestly cry out to Jesus, He keeps us exactly where we are for a reason.  He still loves, listens to our prayers, and weeps when we are sad.  But, God has our big life picture in full view.  Not a single struggle or ounce of pain will be wasted.

The young camper is home safe and sound, and has continued to reflect on the two weeks he was away.  Some of the hardships have started to dim and the thought of returning next year is even a possibility.  I chuckle as I think of the stress he caused his mother by writing that letter.  However, I learned that true growth and healing can only come when we are willing to admit how we feel to ourselves and those that love us.  God wants a personal relationship with his children, and I have no doubt that He CAN handle the truth.

READING WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE...SERIOUSLY:)

Ms. Valvano completed the 40 book challenge for the second year in a row...Hold your applause!!!  We challenge all of our middle school students to read 40 books over the course of the school year. I decided to give up my romance novels and self-help books and dive into the world of juvenile literature.  It has been a blast talking to my students about what they are reading.  If you are a parent having a difficult time connecting with your teenager, I STRONGLY suggest reading together.  We are not going to learn about the thoughts and feelings of our youngsters by following their facebook or instagram.  There are also personal benefits to reading the dystopian novels that are all the craze. 

If there is ever a shortage of food and I have to serve as a tribute from my district in a fight to the death...I know how to survive.  Perhaps a virus has been released into the world killing everyone, but a few brave individuals must fight the Republic and save the world...no problem for me.  Aliens, werewolves, factions, rejects, witches...nothing it outside my realm of expertise.  The excitement I have seen in the eyes of my students has reignited my passion for reading.  This week, however, I received further confirmation that books do more than entertain...they can and will change our lives.

 I recently gave my younger sister LeeAnn a book written by her former Pastor Tim Keller.  The book beautifully illustrates the biblical meaning of marriage.  Lee and her husband Beau have a 2 year old and a little girl on the way.  I know what it is like to be caught up in those sleep deprived, potty training, cheerio eating years.  She called me a few nights ago in tears.  She started reading the book and wanted me to know it had made her rethink how she had been viewing her marriage.  She gushed about wisdom she had gained and how she wanted to share them with her husband.  LeeAnn is currently working full time, going to graduate school, raising a toddler, and 7 months pregnant.  Tired and overwhelmed don't begin to capture her life, but the words in a book had touched her spirit.

I packed the pool bag and decided I needed something to read.  I stumbled upon a book that my friend Lisa had given me for my birthday.  As I cracked open, Carry on Warrior, written by Glennon Doyle Melton, I could never have imagined what was about to happen to me.  I have been struggling with the desire to write a book for years, and these words rocked my world...

If, anywhere in your soul, you feel the desire to write, please write.  Write as a gift to yourself and others.  Everyone has a story to tell.  Writing is not about creating tidy paragraphs that sound lovely or choosing the "right" words.  It's about noticing who you are and noticing life and sharing what you notice.  When you write your truth, it is a love offering to the world because it helps us feel braver and less alone.

In an instant, sitting by the pool on an average summer day, this author had taken a match to the fire that had been dormant inside of me for years.  Because of those words I read, I cannot stop thinking about what I want to write...when I will have time to write...and what I am going to write.  She gave me permission to attack my passion without thought to the end result.  Writing is a gift I will give myself as I allow the truth to heal my soul. 

Whether you are seeking a way to connect with your child, a renewed commitment to your marriage, an escape from reality, or permission to follow your dreams... a book can meet those needs and so much more.  Books give you glimpses into lives once lived, adventures yet to come, and personal emotions never spoken.  Put down the phone, turn off the television, forget to post what you are doing every second of the day...and lose and find yourself again in the words written by another.