REAL LOVE

Jake after his Les Miserables performance

 

 



"To love another person is to see the face of God."

-Victor Hugo

 

I anticipated being a proud mother after watching my son on stage.  Nothing could have prepared me for the talent a group of teenagers displayed while bringing to life the story of Les Miserables.  The musical has something for everyone...Love, Revolution, Brotherhood, Death, Heartbreak, and did I mention Love. 

 

Is your love offering contingent on a list of conditions that must be met?  Do you withhold or refuse to love when the going gets rough?  Most importantly, does the love that you share with others bring you closer to God?  With one simple verse sung on a stage, I cringed at the way in which I have loved.

 

I am sorry for every time I made you feel like you weren't enough.  I regret the moments that I was trapped in my own pity.  I wish I would have hugged more and criticized less.  When I felt alone, betrayed, and misunderstood complaints and tears never brought healing. In my own strength, I will continue to practice selfish love that is more concerned with getting than giving. 

 

 God has the power to teach me another way.  Can I live love stories that will put anything penned by Shakespeare or Nicholas Sparks to shame?   Perhaps if I pour out real love over those in my life, then that same gift will be returned.  But it matters little what the other person chooses, because my actions can and will provide heavenly glimpses of God's glowing face.   



THIS IS THE DAY!

Grief is like a chain bonding me to my past.  Hope is the soaring bird that allows my soul to break free.  I have spent years bumping between these two companions never fully living in this moment...this day...this reality. 

Last week I had my wood floors refinished.  The boards were scratched, marred, and warped from 13 years of living.  As I entered my "new" home, the beautiful wood created such a warm and inviting space.  My Mom helped me with the arduous task of cleaning all the dust and putting every book and picture back in place. We sat on the couch and looked around at our handiwork and she commented on how pleased I should be with the outcome.  My response was something like, "Yeah, it is nice, but now I have to get my carpets cleaned."  This experience magnified the way in which I have been dealing with life.  I am desperately trying to repair yesterday's ugly remnants, and at the same time planning for the next person or thing that will bring beauty to my world.

This is the day the Lord has made; We will rejoice and be glad in it.   Psalm 118:24

I find it impossible to rejoice in the day...when I am never actually existing in the 24 hours I have been given.  A couple of necessary habits have become part of my routine.  It sounds crazy, but I have to teach myself to breathe.  I fill my lungs with the air that is around me at the moment and it seems to center me in the now. Next, I mentally create a gratitude list whenever I find my thoughts wandering into dangerous territory.  I am so thankful that I am going to see Jake perform in his school musical tonight.  My Mom and John will be sitting beside me witnessing my 15 year old son step out in faith. Grant is upstairs listening to music and we are going to spend the rest of the day together running simple errands. I am healthy and healed.  I am loved and cherished.  God is challenging me to release all that has led me to this place, receive all the blessings that are floating around me, and request nothing that is outside of what He desires to give me.

Close your eyes right now, take a deep breath, and listen.  What can you find to rejoice over in this very moment?  Allow your lips to curl into a smile and keep it there for the rest of this day. 

FOREVER BEAUTY

The new fallen snow was a glorious view while I read my morning devotional.  I had to take a moment and just soak in the majesty.  The blazing purity of nature made me want leave the warmth of my couch and run out to make some snow angels.  As I placed my coffee cup in the sink, I caught sight of myself in the mirror.  Who was this hideous creature?  Pale skin with just a touch of dark pigmentation spots from the hours spent tanning. Hair  matted to my head because I lacked the energy to even use the blow dryer.  Pants that hung loosely around my waist, not because I have lost weight, but because they happen to be a pair of maternity sweats I wore 12 years ago.  Yikes...someone needs a makeover fast. 

When do you feel beautiful?  I can assure you that when I am comparing myself to anyone on television or in a magazine, I come up short.  I also have a hard time looking at old family pictures.  My sister Nicole and I often think we should cut our hair like we wore it in 2000, but then we realize it is because we were 15 years younger that we look so fresh.  My foray into online dating has proven to me that 90% of what makes a man respond to your profile is your appearance.  Don't get me wrong, physical attraction is important. But if you post a picture that promises more than what you can deliver, don't expect a second date.  As I watch the melting snow outside, I am reminded that visual beauty will not last forever...or does it?

In a few short weeks, the new growth of Spring will become evident.  Colorful life will literally come forth from the earth. It is at this time of year that I am awakened from the darkness of the winter and am drawn to the exuberance and vitality of this season.  Perhaps we should take a lesson from nature and realize that it is our own enthusiasm and energy that truly makes us attractive.  Have you ever been with someone that just makes you feel alive?  You tend to laugh more in their presence and happiness is a byproduct of your time spent together.  Just like the new bud pushing up through the ground, our true beauty comes from deep inside.  We sparkle and shine not because of the jewelry that adorns us, but because of the force within us.  The latest fashions will some day be out of date, but a dazzling smile and infectious giggle will always be in style.  Peace, joy, and gratitude cannot be bought or stored in a bottle. 

God reminds me that "though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day."  I pray that I don't become so preoccupied with how you see me, that I forget to focus on what truly makes me beautiful.  We are constantly surrounded by breathtaking views in nature to remind us that His creation is truly beautiful...today, tomorrow, and forever. 

STEPPING OUT IN FAITH

 

 

 

Last Saturday, I stepped out in faith and shared my personal journey with a group of strangers.  I certainly prepared for the speech, but since I was communicating my deepest truths there was nothing to memorize.  Hiding and hoping that the pain would simply diminish with the passage of time is not working.  Another course of action, one in which I bring the wounds that refuse to heal into the light, is my new plan. 

As I stood on the stage and felt all eyes on me, my mind wandered to another unforgettable moment.  On March 4, 1993, while accepting the Arthur Ashe Courage Award, my Dad exemplified strength through brokenness.  It was as if he took his very essence into his hand and offered it to anyone that was willing to listen.  As he was helped off the stage, and settled into the seat next to me, he leaned over and whispered, "Did I do okay?"  I realized in that moment how frightening it truly is to share yourself with others.  How easy it would be for me to now hide behind a carefully planned recounting filled with witty jokes and anecdotes.  I could wrap everything up neatly and place a shiny bow on top and leave you feeling all tingly.  My Dad is still whispering to me, "Jamie, go deeper.  Show them everything.  Don't be afraid."  And so, I gave that group of 175 women all of me. 

I walked off stage and found my best friend Lisa and her daughters waiting to embrace me.  Lisa  had given me this wonderful opportunity.  When I told her that I was going to leave teaching and focus on speaking and writing, she became my first client.  My little entourage had many complimentary comments, but I doubted  I could trust a single word.  Delaney, gathering wisdom from her 16 years of living, said something that made me catch my breath.  "Ms. Jamie, remember when your Dad sat down beside you and asked you how he did after his speech?  I know what you must have been feeling, because that is how I feel about what you just did."  I have known Delaney since she was born, but in that moment she became my guide.  I am not sure if I made an impact on any other person in the room, but this beautiful girl will remember my words, and that is more than enough.

Once again by taking a risk, stretching myself beyond comfort, and refusing to let the past dictate my future, I have been blessed.  Appreciate the messy life that you have been given, run toward those things that make you feel brave, and surround yourself with people that look you straight in the eyes and pour out their love into every corner of your soul. 

My precious Delaney Hope Miller

NEVER LET GO!

I miss holding hands.  The spark that warms you simply by interlacing your fingers with another person.  The knowledge that someone is walking beside you, offering support and love as you travel the slippery slopes together. 

When I was pregnant I remember seeing swollen bellies everywhere.  Now that I am single, it seems as if I catch every Match.com, "He went to Jared", and Sandals resort commercial on television.  I often feel like I am in a cruel game of musical men and I have to hurry up and grab one before the song abruptly ends.  I have spent the two years since my divorce seriously grieving the loss of the dream that I once held dear, and painfully evaluating what went wrong.

After sharing an eye opening discussion with a wise single friend of mine, I spent some time in prayer.  God whispered something to me that calmed my anxious heart.  "You're still focused on crumbs, when I desire to give you so much more."   Our humanness forces us to find something...anything....anyone that will distract us from the real heart of the matter.  There is nothing and no one that can fix or heal our brokenness.  So what is a lonely girl to do?

Believe in myself.  Trust God. Pray. Pray some more. Study His word. Raise my children. Surround myself with people that I love.  Serve others. Exercise self-control. Be Grateful. Use my gifts. Be Patient. Don't Settle. Dream. Be Courageous.

I don't know when, or where, or even if I will meet him, but I do know one thing for sure...once I find that hand to hold...I am never letting go. 

THANK YOU STUART SCOTT

 

 

 

 

Days pass and string together into months and years of living.  We are often unable to slow down long enough to savor the good times or heal from the losses.  At this very moment, my deepest wish is to stop everything and sit quietly with my powerful emotions.  I fear the happenings of the day will slip through my consciousness, and I will forget the miracle...and so I must record a few of my thoughts.

I was honored to be present at the celebration of Stuart Scott's life today.  Words are incapable of expressing the pure love that filled the church.  Friends had us erupting in laughter as they shared private memories of their beloved Stuart.  His siblings taught me the indelible impact parents have on their children and the magical bonds that are created between brothers and sisters.  The musical tribute performed by his lovely daughters, Taelor and Sydni, was not of this world.  I mourned for these people that would spend the rest of their lives without this dear man, but I could not help but rejoice.  None of us are certain of the number of breaths we will be given on this earth, but we can control how we spend that time...and this man did not waste a second. 

The powerful message that was shared by the Reverend Dr. David C. Forbes left no doubt why we had gathered together.  The biblical truths shared calmed my soul and provided a glimpse into the heart of the Scott family.  The Reverend  boldly stated that we can choose everlasting life through faith in Jesus Christ, or we could go to hell.  There were many shocked faces sitting in the church, but if it would have been appropriate, I would have stood on my chair and applauded.  There will be millions of decisions that we are forced to make in our lifetime, but none more essential than this one.  My life is complicated and messy, but today I was reminded that I have clearly made my choice.

I want to thrash on the floor kicking and screaming in anger and grief, but I know my Dad and Stuart would expect so much more of me.  All that is left for me to do is steal a small piece of their courage, take a deep breath, and soar.  I will love and cherish my children, stay dedicated to the fight against cancer, and share my deep faith that guides my every step.  My sincere desire  is take every gift, talent, and blessing that I have inside of me and spend the rest of my days pouring them out until there is nothing left. Then, I will truly be able to rest in peace.

MY KINGDOM WORK

My friend Lisa recently shared a powerful story with me.  While talking to another women from her church about some of the challenges she was facing as a mother, her friend stopped, placed her hands on her, and said, "God has been preparing you all of your life for this exact task. Lisa, this is your KINGDOM WORK."  I have been meditating over this message, and new life has been breathed into my dormant dreams. 


Genesis 6: 13-16

So God said to Noah, "I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence because of them.  I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth.  So make yourself an ark of cypress wood: make rooms in it and coat it with pitch inside and out.  This is how you are to build it:  The ark is to be 450 feet long, 75 feet wide and 45 feet high.  Make a roof for it and finish the ark to within 18 inches of the top.  Put a door in the side of the ark and make lower, middle, and upper decks."

Genesis 6:22

Noah did everything just as God commanded him.
 
Genesis 18: 10-14
 
Then the Lord said, "I will surely return to you about his time next year, and Sarah your wife will have a son."  Abraham and Sarah were already old and well advanced in years, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing.  So Sarah laughed to herself as she thought, "After I am worn out and my master is old, will I now have this pleasure?"  Then the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh and say, "Will I really have a child, now that I am old? Is anything too hard for the Lord?"


Exodus 3:10-12

"So now, go, I am sending you to Pharaoh to being my people the Israelites out of Egypt."  But Moses said to God, "Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"  And God said, "I will be with be with you..."

 I am no biblical scholar, but I know that the bible is filled with individuals that have been called by God to complete Kingdom Work.  Ordinary humans that have been asked to accomplish extraordinary tasks. Men and Women that must look past their own shortcomings and focus not on the challenge, but on the Creator.

In my own life, I have allowed fear and doubt to ride shotgun during my journey.  I have heard God clearly speak to me about many areas of my life. But unlike Noah, I have NOT done just as God commanded.  God has not asked me to free anyone from the oppression of a nation, but when he does call me to tend to my work, I respond just as Moses did...Who am I?   There must be some mistake.  Doesn't God know I am a scarred cancer survivor, an overwhelmed single mother, an out of shape middle aged nothing?  YES, YES HE DOES.  The humbling truth is that God has not only equipped me, but HE will also go with me as I obediently follow HIS lead.

As I come to the end of another year, I grow weary of hiding.  God has been calling me to make some mighty changes in my life.  Our Kingdom Work is never easy and will require sacrifice and absolute faith, but it is why we are here on earth as believers.  We are not to conform to the ways of the world and get comfortable and lazy.  We are going to be asked to free people from bondage, build arks of safety, and raise children when we are old and tired.  As you celebrate the birth of Jesus, and ring in 2015, ask God one mighty question...What is my Kingdom Work?  Then, take a deep breath and begin....