STEPPING OUT IN FAITH

 

 

 

Last Saturday, I stepped out in faith and shared my personal journey with a group of strangers.  I certainly prepared for the speech, but since I was communicating my deepest truths there was nothing to memorize.  Hiding and hoping that the pain would simply diminish with the passage of time is not working.  Another course of action, one in which I bring the wounds that refuse to heal into the light, is my new plan. 

As I stood on the stage and felt all eyes on me, my mind wandered to another unforgettable moment.  On March 4, 1993, while accepting the Arthur Ashe Courage Award, my Dad exemplified strength through brokenness.  It was as if he took his very essence into his hand and offered it to anyone that was willing to listen.  As he was helped off the stage, and settled into the seat next to me, he leaned over and whispered, "Did I do okay?"  I realized in that moment how frightening it truly is to share yourself with others.  How easy it would be for me to now hide behind a carefully planned recounting filled with witty jokes and anecdotes.  I could wrap everything up neatly and place a shiny bow on top and leave you feeling all tingly.  My Dad is still whispering to me, "Jamie, go deeper.  Show them everything.  Don't be afraid."  And so, I gave that group of 175 women all of me. 

I walked off stage and found my best friend Lisa and her daughters waiting to embrace me.  Lisa  had given me this wonderful opportunity.  When I told her that I was going to leave teaching and focus on speaking and writing, she became my first client.  My little entourage had many complimentary comments, but I doubted  I could trust a single word.  Delaney, gathering wisdom from her 16 years of living, said something that made me catch my breath.  "Ms. Jamie, remember when your Dad sat down beside you and asked you how he did after his speech?  I know what you must have been feeling, because that is how I feel about what you just did."  I have known Delaney since she was born, but in that moment she became my guide.  I am not sure if I made an impact on any other person in the room, but this beautiful girl will remember my words, and that is more than enough.

Once again by taking a risk, stretching myself beyond comfort, and refusing to let the past dictate my future, I have been blessed.  Appreciate the messy life that you have been given, run toward those things that make you feel brave, and surround yourself with people that look you straight in the eyes and pour out their love into every corner of your soul. 

My precious Delaney Hope Miller