A BETTER JAMIE

I will push her too far one day.  The drama, self-pity, emergency phone calls, neediness, and incessant complaining will finally wear her down.  Some things I will never understand this side of heaven. At the top of my list of earthly mysteries is... how in the heck did I find another human being that willingly identifies herself as my best friend?  Just keeping it real here...most days I don't want to even hang out with myself. 

Do you remember the scene from the movie As Good as it Gets, when Jack Nicholson utters the words "You make me want to be a better man" to his love interest?  Jack's character is an obsessive- compulsive and has decided to take medication so that he can have a healthy relationship.  Often times our desire to "be better" is born out of our need to find love and acceptance from others.  My best friend has taught me a precious gift...I don't have to do anything to be worthy of her love.  It has been a constant in my life for over 20 years and our bond has grown stronger with the passage of time.

I tried to be the wife I thought my husband needed, the perfect mother for my boys, a peacekeeper in my family, the grateful cancer patient, the kind of teacher that every student will adore.... and guess what?  I failed in each and every one of those situations.  If I am brutally honest, in most of those relationships I was far too focused on myself.  It is as if I was looking in the mirror at my own reflection and constantly asking myself, how you doing?  Pain and loss has taught me that my own assumptions are not good indicators of my success or failures.  I have also found out the hard way that using others flawed interpretations have not enabled me to "be a better" Jamie.  What is a messed up girl to do?

I strongly believe that what has made my relationship with my BFF survive is that God is at the center of it all.  We use tough love, prayers, scripture, more prayers, sermons, more scripture to lift each other up out of the pit.  Trouble is all around us and so we stand back to back, swords raised, ready to do battle.  As I struggle to meet the demands of the roles and responsibilities in my life, I must put God in the center.  Daily I pray for less of me and more of Him to be revealed.  People and their expectations exhaust me, but God's truth excites and empowers me.  He is the only one that can and will transform me, and I am so blessed to have a friend that will not allow me to settle for anything less.