I fell asleep the other night with my bible crushed tightly to my chest. This place of complete brokenness is not new to me, and yet I allow my fears to doubt HIS presence in the midst of the heaviness. So I must remind myself of the path that I have walked...
He was there when I watched my father take his last breath. As my 12 year old sister and I sat in the chapel trying to gather the courage to go see his shell...He took our hands and gave us comfort.
He was there as I sat in the cold, heartless room watching helplessly as my sedated 4 month old son's brain was scanned. With every roaring beep of the menacing machine I felt as if a part of me was dying.
He was there as the doctors told us that he was "damaged". Would he walk or talk? Tears flowed each and every night as I grieved the loss of my perfect child. He has put a new song in my heart as I grow to cherish the child that makes me laugh and brings me joy.
He was there when I heard the words "you have cancer." As I unwrapped the bandages to see the scars that would never go away, shaved the hair that would return, and surrendered the chance to give life in order to save my own...I was never alone.
He was there when the sword of "I don't love you anymore" tore a hole in my existence. The words "I found someone else and I am happy" crushed my lungs and I could no longer breathe. The nights of quiet loneliness and questioning days of unhappiness allowed little rest.
He is here as I struggle to find a new normal. As I watch my teenager's soul twist with the unknowing questions and brutal reality of our life. He is here with every bill that I pay and every lesson plan that I prepare. Every prayer that I utter and smile that breaks free is a testament to his strength in the midst of my weakness.
He whispers, "I love you. I have you. I will use this pain for my glory. Bring me every piece of your broken heart and allow me to put it together again."
This world has NOTHING that can truly comfort the brokenhearted. You can dull your pain. You can ignore the ache. I want to heal. I want to be transformed. And so today, I choose God.
Wow. Your words are so powerful, your experiences so intense and your attitude so admirable!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing so much of yourself with us!! You're amazing!!!!
ReplyDeleteExcellent post!!! I have learnt many things form here. I have also website where you can ivsit and pass your leasure time. In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. To get more information, visit here……………
ReplyDeleteBroken Heart