CAN DO ATTITUDE

I am a dreamer and I can come up with a million magical ideas.  I spend hours making plans, lists, and rambling on about my visions.  The energy flows though me and I feel so powerful and alive...that is until I actually have to do something.  The ability to imagine greatness is a gift, but eventually I have to put things in motion and that is when I fall apart.   


We all need someone in our world that sees through the BS.  Sure it's great to have a cheerleader in your corner, but eventually they will tire of shouting for you if you never actually get in the game.  My friend Christine is a doer.  I call her MacGyver after that television character that could build a bomb out of a piece of chewing gum and string.  I have not found much that Teen cannot accomplish.  I have come to the conclusion that I am her daily Sudoku puzzle or Rubik's cube.  Solving my complex dilemmas keeps her mentally sharp.  Sometimes I hate that she knows me so well and I often get a little testy because she is right like 99.9% of the time.  She sees in me qualities that have yet to come to the surface and pushes me to stretch beyond my self imposed limits.  Whenever I am whining about having too much to do she quietly says, "Jamie you can do more than one thing at a time."  I am always making excuses about why I cannot fit this or that into my jam packed schedule and she whispers, "If you REALLY wanted to do it you would find a way."  When I was having a hard time staying focused I made a list of all I wanted to get done in the weeks ahead and emailed it to her.  Every so often she would gently remind me of what had not been completed.  Just last week we were able to celebrate because the last task had been checked off (just to let you know there were only 10 things I needed to do...).  At this very moment you probably are wondering why the heck she is my friend.  Sometimes you just have to accept your good fortune and don't ask questions. 

We all need friends and each one of them bless our lives in different ways.  Surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you.  Individuals that love you for who you are and encourage you to be all that you can be (no I am not asking you to enlist in the Army).  I am done beating myself up for my shortcomings.  I have a mental Rolodex in my mind that I shuffle through whenever I need some help.  When I need to get moving I use my secret weapon named Teen Teen to hold me accountable.  Need a prayer...call on my friends Heidi or Lisa.  Trying to solve an issue with the children...LeeAnn and Beau to the rescue.  Laughter and girl bonding...Laura and Chrissy are right around the corner.    A walking partner that always puts a smile on my face...have no fear Jen is here.  Last but not least my partner in everything...big sis Nicole can always talk me down from the ledge.  The list goes on and on of people that enrich my world in countless ways. 

Take a look around you...when you are faced with a battle make sure the people that you bring to the front line have your back. 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me....Philippians 4:13

DANCING IN THE RAIN

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN....

A heavy rain was falling last night as we stood on the front porch watching the droplets being emptied onto the earth.  Grant began to giggle as the wind blew a fine mist into his face.  He took a few tentative steps out from under the covering of the roof only to make a quick retreat. The look of simple pleasure on his face made us feel we were witnessing something magical.  Jake coaxed him down the steps and he opened his mouth to catch the moisture on his tongue.  He held out his hands palms facing towards the sky as he soaked in the water like a thirsty flower.  In a flash the boys were running around the yard jumping into puddles with pure abandonement.  There might have been a time when I would have worried about them getting dirty, sick, or tracking water into the house...but now I watched their joy and was filled with awe.  Oh how I wish I could have bottled that moment to serve as a reminder that storms come and go but we CAN choose how to live in the midst of the struggle.

Are you experiencing a storm in your own life?  Do pain and worry weigh so heavily on you that you wonder how to survive?  Maybe nothing that serious is swirling around, but you are just sort of existing without passion and delight.  I do believe that miraculous healing and instant solutions can occur in the blink of an eye.  Many times, however, we have to walk through the trial.  The lessons we learn as we travel the rocky road strengthen our faith and reveal deeper lessons that were once hidden.  We don't have to move forward with our head down refusing to smile until we get our breakthrough.  Adopt the posture that Grant so perfectly revealed to me.  Look toward the heavens, close your eyes, surrender your will, and be cleansed by grace.  Don't worry about getting wet or dirty...life is messy.  Find someone that will dance and splash with you though life's tempests. Make up your mind that you will not give up until you see the beautiful rainbow on the other side.



My Puddle Jumpers



ALL ABOUT ME

Recently someone I love questioned why I would want to put my "dirty laundry" on the Internet for all to read.  Do I believe I am somebody special and therefore deserve your attention?  Perhaps I need the praise from other people to feel good about myself?  Maybe I am just lonely.  All of these are plausible incentives for my blogging. But I hope that you will consider that there is a deeper personal reason for me opening up my very soul to you. 

I look around and see a hurting world.  People in need of encouragement, hope, and a sense that they are not alone.  There have been numerous times in the past 38 years when I have been brought to my knees and simply screamed out to God, "why me?"  In an effort to make sense of the senseless I pray, read the bible, talk to friends and family, and I write.  Putting the deepest desires and questions of my heart into words somehow allows me to be free. 

One of the women in my cancer support group suggested that I adopt a mantra or chant that I can repeat in my mind when fear overcomes me.  Waiting for a doctor to give me a diagnosis, trying to relax in the MRI torture chamber, or sitting in a chair while the chemotherapy dripped into my veins all proved to me that I desperately needed to escape reality and soar to a different place.  I love every word in Psalm 118...and this one sentence began to direct my every step:

I will not die but live, and proclaim what the Lord has done. 

I am alive today and now it is time for me to share with anyone that is willing to listen what I have learned during my journey.  It does not matter if anyone reads my words or is even touched by the sentiment.  I am being obedient...plain and simple.  My family always teases me because I have a horrible habit of making everything about me.  Each of us views the world through our own eyes but I am working hard to catch eternal glimpses through my daily walk.  Although it certainly would seem that my posts are all about me, I pray that through my experiences you see that I am not the one in control. 

He will always light our path....

GOD MEMO

My sister has a friend that uses the term "God Memo" to describe a moment when you feel like God is speaking directly to you.  I am sorry if you find this post over the top, but I have to share.  I feel like Moses in the desert seeing the burning bush and walking on holy ground.  Except I am just me (not a great prophet) and God spoke directly to me through a copier machine at Kinkos...but those are just minor details.

This poor elderly gentleman was taking forever at the only black and white copier in service.  He had no idea what he was doing and I waited not so patiently for my turn.  Once he was finished making his five copies he paid and walked out into the sunlight of the day.  I noticed he had left a copy behind in the machine and walked over to throw it away, but something made me stop and read it (is that wrong?). I cannot speak to the authenticity of this letter, but I have been forever touched by the spirit expressed through the words.  As a mother of two boys it captures perfectly what is in my heart for them.  Names have been changed to protect the innocent.  I apologize if anyone feels this is an invasion of privacy. 

Hello Christian,

I am so glad to have the opportunity to write you this little note and put together this book for you. 

First of all, I would like to say HAPPY 13TH BIRTHDAY!!!....You are now officially a teenager and growing steadily into manhood.

I want to say that I am very proud of you Christian and I am soooooo happy to have you as my son.  In my heart I always wanted a son and the Lord was gracious enough to give me one and for that I am truly grateful.

I am not just proud of you for the things that you do or don't do...I am proud of you just because you are you...nothing more, nothing less.  You are an extremely kind person with a big heart full of love and compassion toward people...You get that from your mom....I could not have asked for a better son than you Christian.

Now that you are getting older, I didn't want to just give you something that I could buy at the store but rather something that you could use and take with you for the rest of your life....something that you could meditate on in the good and bad times that would bring you joy and victory in life.

So, I decided to write you a few prayers that you could read from time to time.  Christian, as life goes on you will face many temptations, challenges, and situations that can make a big difference in your life dependent upon how you handle them.  I want to make sure you make Godly decisions.

In the book of Psalm 119:9 it says, "How can a young person stay pure?  By obeying your word."  Where can you find the strength and wisdom to face life's challenges?  By reading God's Word and doing what it says.  Christian, if you follow those instructions I can GUARANTEE you that you will without a doubt have a successful life and most importantly...you will please Jesus Christ which is the greatest thing you could ever do.  Having a personal relationship with the Lord is the foundation of life itself and will assure you of unspeakable joy deep down on the inside.

In this book you will find some prayers that deal with your personal identity in Jesus.  Two of the most important things in life that you must know is that first...God loves you unconditionally with a love that is beyond human comprehension and second God wants you to know who you are in His eyes.  Christian, you are a king, a royal priesthood, a son of God, and friend of God.

Christian, I ask that you would look over these prayers and pray them either verbatim or create your own personal prayers to the Lord. He loves you and wants to know your deepest feelings so never be shy in communing with Him.  God is for you and will NEVER    leave you or forsake you.  He cares about EVERY single facet of your life and nothing is ever too big or too small for Him to handle.  Christian, God wants to develop you into a great Man of God.

As your Dad, I just want you to know that I love you with all my heart and there is nothing I wouldn't do for you.  I believe in you and I believe that you have greatness inside of you.  I believe that you can achieve ANYTHING  in life that you desire if you trust in the Lord to help you fulfill that goal.  You were put here on earth to fulfill God's will and do some great things.  From the time you were born I knew that God had His hand on your life and has great plans for you to ultimately glorify His name.  So Christian, open up your heart to the Lord and let Him fill you with His love until it overflows.

I Love You Big Guy,

Daddy

We love our boys!

I'M A SURVIVOR

I am a breast cancer survivor.  I can wear a pink ribbon.  I can walk in a race and have SURVIVOR written on my shirt.  My scars prove that I have been through a battle.  If you want me to I can spin a tale that will make you so sad that you might feel like giving up.  But why in the world would I do that?  How cruel to share my own personal horrors just so I don't have to feel alone?  Misery certainly does love company, but I would rather use my voice for good.

Every single person alive today is a survivor.  Perhaps you were raised in a family with alcoholism, abuse, or neglect.  You have suffered an illness, death of a loved one, or loss of a dream.  You are a soldier that has lived through war, a parent dealing with a struggling child, or a child watching a parent's health decline.  Infertility, unemployment, divorce, betrayal, depression.....the list is endless.  Unlike me, your scars may be hidden from the rest of the world.  There are no fundraisers or ribbons that celebrate the truth of what you have faced, but there is something you can do with your experience.

One of the most profound relationships I have had in my adult life came to me after I became a cancer patient.  Through my church I met a woman that had been diagnosed with breast cancer over a decade ago. Her road to recovery had been difficult. In fact, the doctors said her cancer was incurable.  Although she may have wanted to simply forget, she allowed her pain to be brought to the surface not for her own benefit... but for mine.

Gioia is a little Italian spitfire from Long Island, New York.  She could have been an honorary Valvano and quickly became my most trusted confidante.  She listened to my fears, but never allowed me to wallow in misery.  She understood me even when I was unable to put words to the emotions.  Our shared love for Christ was the best part of our friendship, but a close second was our ability to laugh.  Like when I left my prosthesis aka "swim boobs" at her beach house and we had to call the real estate guy to go get them and mail them back to my house.  Now that is hot.  And the time when I was going through my reconstruction and I let everyone feel me up during our support group meeting.  Hmmmm...good times!   You get a bunch of church ladies together that are going through cancer and things can get CRAZY.  I know without a doubt I could not have gotten through the last 5 years without her family. 

You have the opportunity to be what Gioia was for me to someone in need.  Take the most horrible thing that has ever happened to you and celebrate the fact that you walked through it and left it behind. Then use your victory to encourage someone.  When you use your "stuff" to help others you are the one that is blessed.  You begin to feel more hopeful about your own life.  Picture yourself like Rocky Balboa in that scene where he climbs a flight of like a million stairs.  After finally reaching the top,  you jump up and down with fists pumping high above your head.  You not only survived but you conquered and now you plan to make sure that nobody falls on their way to the top.  There are people all around you searching for a reason to hope...a way to survive...a person just like you.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up....1Th 5:11

MY SOURCE

Yesterday I was talking to a wise counselor and trying to figure a way out of my latest mess. She said something that took me by surprise..."Jamie, you are going to be okay, because God is your source for everything."  Tears welled up in my eyes, a chill ran down my spine, and finally I felt as if I could take a deep breath.

People often comment that I am a strong person because I have faced tragedy.  I smile outwardly, but inside I am laughing because I know the truth.  I am a wimp and if I were able to I would wallow in self-pity most days.  Someone early in my life planted a seed of faith and over time it has grown and God won't allow me to live in ignorance any longer.  When I am in trouble I know where I need to go for comfort.  I have tested God and He has never failed me.

We are all looking for something.  We are all in need.  Some people look to personal relationships to make them complete.  Perhaps your position at work gives you a sense of power.  Maybe the money you have earned allows you to feel successful.  Your beautiful outward appearance gets you noticed wherever you go.  The size and shape of your muscles serves as a tangible example of your strength.  Being popular and well liked gives you a high.  You find self worth when your children and spouse are thriving. What happens if it all falls apart?  Let's say your spouse leaves you, you become unemployed and struggle to pay the bills, an illness robs you of your health, the bloom of youth fades, a close friend betrays you, or one of your children begins to struggle and gets off course.  I have faced all of these and learned that NOTHING of this world has the power to destroy you. Every thing around you is temporary and it will change in the blink of an eye.

Today, I just want to plant a seed in you.  Spend some time thinking about where you find power.  What keeps you moving when you become discouraged?  What would you do if that was gone?  Where would you go next?  Don't keep visiting an empty well when you are thirsty....make sure your source has the ability to sustain your life.  I have suffered great loss over the years, but what remains will last me a lifetime and beyond.

Let your light shine!!!

 

WHERE IS YOUR HEART?

My boys gave me a little porcelain box for Mother's Day a few years ago.  On the top there is a beautiful heart and written underneath is verse Luke 12:34...Where your treasure is, there also is your heart.  I suppose the purpose of the box is for me to store my precious trinkets so they will not get lost.  Life is so complicated these days it is certainly hard to keep track of the things we value most. We get so caught up in daily chores that we forget why we do what we do.  Sacrifices need to be made and the dreams we once had for ourselves are set aside.  Foolishly we believe there will be time later to discover the hidden gems in this world. 

My sister Nicole has the heart of an athlete.  She is super competitive and becomes so focused on the task of winning that sometimes it scares me to play a board game with her. She may be small but she is mighty and I have never known her to back down from a challenge.  My little sister LeeAnn is a born nurturer. When I am with her I just want to crawl into her lap for a cuddle.  The fact that I am quite a bit bigger than her makes that impossible, but after we spend time together I feel loved and nourished.  Beau, her husband, has a special talent for music.  His creative nature helps him communicate through his songs and he possesses an inspiring power over the children that he instructs.  My friend, Laura, loves through food.  She bakes cakes, prepares meals for others, and delivers meals on wheels once a week.  Dinner at her house is like an episode of Top Chef.  She has a talent and flair for cooking and uses it to take care of others.  Lisa is a natural teacher and her patience and spirit allow the children in her class to blossom and grow. Her students are so lucky because she is dedicated to each and every one of them.  These are just a few examples of people in my life that use their essence to bless those around them.

Why is it always easier for others to see the sparkle in us?  Whenever I seem to lose my way my friends and family help me rediscover the me I want to be.  I don't want to tuck away my gifts out of insecurity.  What if I am not good enough?  If I boldly follow my heart will others judge or disagree with my choices? Should I wait until I am perfect before I step out?  What a relief that I have learned that I don't have to be anything other than who God intended me to be.  The real prize of life can be found not by obtaining anything but by giving all of our treasures away.