LESSON PLANS

My trackout is coming to an end this week.  I was up at 3 AM thinking about ways to teach my 7th graders about the Middle East, pronouns, how to write an essay, and strengthen their reading comprehension.  Sometimes I feel as if teaching is like a Broadway show and I get caught up in creating a flashy presentation.  I imagine myself accepting an award for best original lesson plan in the category of nonfiction genre and get goose bumps all over.  Yesterday, I was reminded of what every child's hidden desire truly is...they want to be cherished.

I arrived at school to pick up my son and neighbor at a service club meeting and ran into a few of my students.  We greeted each other like long lost friends as we shared what had been going on in our lives over the past few weeks.  When I caught the eye of a boy across the room chatting with his friends I was unsure whether I should acknowledge him...he broke into a huge smile and waved his hand overhead like he was hailing a helicopter.  I walked away with butterflies in my stomach reassured that I did not need to spend hours creating the perfect lesson.  In fact, sometimes I need to throw my plans in the trash and talk to the young people that I have been blessed to meet.  I want to learn about their thoughts, desires, and struggles.  I want to remember the color of their eyes along with their end of grade test scores.  Sometimes it is the fear of our own inadequacies that keeps us from really connecting with those people in our lives.  When we make our jobs and relationships more about the people that we serve and not about our own success, I believe we will find a deeper enjoyment and contentment from how we spend the hours of our day. 

I guess I can stop working on the costumes and puppet show I was going to create in order to teach some simple grammar rules.  The acceptance speech for my teacher/mother/wife/human being of the year can be put aside for now.  My focus must shift away from me in order to show the people in my world that they are cherished.  My break from work has been wonderful but I am eager to see my students and resume our learning adventure together.  Talk to me in a couple of weeks when 90 middle schoolers have beaten me down...Ha Ha! 

A PRAISE FOR CREATION

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

Psalm 139:13-14



I just got back from New York where I spent the last three days celebrating and planning for the arrival of my nephew Rocco.  My sister LeeAnn and her husband Beau are having their first child in a few weeks.  It seems like a lifetime ago that I held my newborn babies in my arms and marveled at the miracle of life.  As I placed my hand on Lee's pregnant belly, I just kept saying, "how is there a baby in there?"  

Praise comes so easily from us as we are welcoming a precious baby into our family. But as the years go by we tend to forget that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made."  I don't feel all that wonderful as I am wrestling to put on a pair of spanx and slide into a skirt that has become just a tad snug.  The miracle of Jake is forgotten when he tells me at 9:00 at night that he forgot to work on a project that is due the next day.  As I battle illness and watch others I love suffer, I don't feel much like praising God for his creations.  And yet, praise is exactly what I need to take down the doubt that secretly lingers at every turn.

Psalm 139 goes on to say...All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Not only was our creator personally involved in the formation of our bodies, but an account has already been made of every breath.  What a comfort that we can rest in the knowledge that we are so loved and cherished.  I anticipate that I will shed tears of gratitude when I hold Rocco in my arms for the first time, but in this moment I celebrate the beautiful tapestry that is my life.  Every single moment, even the dark days, will come together to create something beautiful.  Often I am so caught up in every little thread and detail that I cannot see the bigger work that will one day be complete.  I am so grateful that I don't have to worry about the final product as I remind myself that His works are wonderful I know that full well!



Beau and Lee show off their bellies!!!



 

YOU ROCK!!!

Matt and the boys play a game whenever they are in the car together.  Spotting a red, blue, and the rare yellow car are worth a certain amount of points.  Just like putting on your seat belt, Grant believes that this activity is now mandatory for anyone riding in our vehicle.  It is hard trying to have a conversation while your son is screaming out, "yellow one, red one, another red one, blue one..." I have long since given up on the game and just praise Grant that he is so far ahead in the point total. 

This morning at 8:00 AM sharp I left to take Jake, Grant and our neighbors to the elementary and middle school down the street.  I was barely awake and paid little attention to the competition of one that was going on in the back seat.  As we pulled up to a stop light a line of about 10 yellow buses came into view across the street.  Grant quickly shouted out, "yellow school bus" 10 times and then with a little fist pump whispered to himself, "Yes, I rock!"  I could not help but laugh out loud as I witnessed Grant's pride and celebration through the rear view mirror.  Our neighbor, Joshua, even had a chuckle realizing that you have to be quick to beat Grant Howard.

When was the last time you pumped YOUR fist in the air and declared aloud...I ROCK!  Let me see for me that would be...let me think a moment...how about NEVER.  I am quick to make a mental list of all the ways I am falling short of all my imaginary expectations, but somehow I don't believe I have the right to pat myself on the back.  Indulge me for a moment....I am a six year breast cancer survivor, a dedicated teacher that truly cares about each and every student in my room, a creative spirit that constantly dreams of new ideas and lessons, a loving mother that is present daily for my two boys, a wife that prays for growth and discovery in her marriage, a considerate friend that seeks to bless those in my life,   a sister that supports her two sisters along their journey, a nurturing daughter, a believer that looks for ways to worship and praise, ....am I perfect in any of these areas in my life?...NO!   

I know that I will never have the self-esteem that my son Grant possesses, but just for a moment I am going to celebrate where I am in this moment and guess what...I ROCK.  I smiled when I typed that message to myself.  I am going to carry that smile with me the rest of the day....



GRANT ROCKS!



DANCING, COOKING, DR. DREW, AND SVU

Being tracked out from school/work gives me the time to meditate, exercise, organize my house, scrapbook, and just bring everything in my world into clear focus again.   I said I have the time to do all those things, but most days you will find me curled up under a blanket watching television.  I get so caught up in the stories on the screen that my mind gets a break from my own reality.  Always the student, I have discovered some pearls of wisdom hidden in some of my favorite shows that I would like to share at this time. 

Hell's Kitchen/Master Chef:  Gordon Ramsey is the Simon Cowell of the kitchen.  He yells, screams, throws food in the trash, and demeans individuals that put their heart and soul into their culinary creations.  I am drawn to his passion and ability to speak the truth.  I am not saying that I want to be yelled at or that I should scream at my loved ones...but perhaps I would not spend so much time on the couch if I had a Gordon Ramsey in my life.  These shows have taught me that there is such a thing as tough love and fear can sometimes bring out the best in us.  Oh, and I also learned that I am a horrible cook.

Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew:    All kidding aside, this show highlights that hideous ways that addiction affects our lives.  Sadly, drug and alcohol use is encouraged and accepted in our society.  Surrender is a huge lesson that the addicts must embrace on the show.  I use so many things to numb the pain that I have in my own life and know that I must begin to let go so that I can have a life of freedom.  I also discovered why Lindsay Lohan is such a mess...yes addiction does run in families.  The best gift we can give our children is to take care of our own stuff so that we don't pass it on to the next generation.

So You Think You Can Dance:   This entertaining show proves that dance is alive and that I am a broken down mess that can barely get out of bed in the morning.  The choreography, music, and competition are all entertaining but it is the bodies that keep me tuning in.  I imagine this is how God intended us to look like before we decide to become gluttons.  I know that Matt will never run around in tight jeans, bare chested, with toes pointed all the while lifting my perfectly sculpted body through the air...but a girl can dream can't she?

American Pickers:  Mike and Frank are two friends that travel across the United States and pick through other people's trash to find treasures.  There is a historical aspect of this show that is interesting as the viewers learn information about toys, bicycles, guns, and cars from years gone by.  Getting a peek into the lives of people from all walks of life is entertaining.  The hot tattooed girl, Danni D, that tells these guys where to travel to "pick" is Matt's favorite part of the show.  Considering I throw everything out after about a week I don't think these guys will be coming to my door anytime, but this show proves that old things and the stories they hold are indeed treasures.

Law and Order:  I will watch any L&O that happens to be on, but my real passion is Special Victims Unit.  The subject matter is disgusting, but the characters are like part of my family.  Mariska Hargitay as Olivia Benson rocks a tight shirt and gun holster like no other woman.  I like her best in the old versions with her short hair and perfect lip liner.  Christoper Meloni as Elliot Stabler, is the military man turned bad ass cop.  I don't know when he has time to workout but he is rock hard.  Elliot is married and has 4 kids but he spends so much time at work that I always hoped something would happen between him and Olivia.  You throw in Finn and Munch and you got yourself a dream team!  My sister and I think there is something about the "tink tink" that comes on in the beginning that hypnotizes you and makes you have to watch the show.  How else can I explain watching the same episode like 10 times.  If I could get back the hours I have spent on this show I am sure that I would have my own book written by now.  I am powerless...I must watch SVU over and over and over and over....Honestly, I don't think there is way I can spin this obsession and actually pretend I have learned anything from the show. 

Now that  you have had a peek into the productive days of Jamie Howard, I am certain you will never read this blog again.  When I start to beat myself up about all the time I have wasted I watch an episode of Hoarders and see how messy those people are and then feel better about myself.  I gotta run because I have a very busy day ahead of me today.  Got a few American Pickers on the DVR and then the SVU marathon starts after lunch. 

BLOWING IN THE WIND

If you have ever noticed a piece of paper tumbling in the wind you can relate to how I am feeling these days.  Lately, I have been drifting.  Grief, change, and constant toil have left little time for reflection and recovery. Although much has been accomplished...I have lost sight of my center.  What anchors you when the craziness of life threatens to blow you away?  Where is your resting place when you are in need of a fresh outlook?  In the midst of constant change, what is the one thing that remains?

I have spent the last 6 months working with the most wonderful group of people.  I especially have bonded with two teachers on my team.  I have thanked God daily for giving me such a special gift and blessing my life so richly with these new friendships.  Last week, I had to leave the school and people that have become so dear to me.  I have shed so many tears over the weekend.  I was lucky enough to get another position, but have been acting like a spoiled child that has had to leave the toy store without a present.  I wanted to stay at my old school!  I wanted to be with these precious people that I have grown to love!   My job had become the anchor that brought meaning to my days.  Naturally, when it was taken away I became lost. Instead of preparing myself for the miracles that will come with my new adventure, I have been spending my days grieving the losses of yesterday.  I have not just focused on the job, but decided to make a mental tally of ALL of the wrongs that I have experienced. 

This blog serves as my wake up call...it is time to throw down the anchor and stand firm on the divine place where I am today.  I know WHO is my protector and all the wind, rain, pain, loss, change, challenges...will never alter the path that He has for me.  Are you in need of a protector?


The Lord protects you; The Lord is a shelter right by your side.  The Lord will protect your coming and going both now and forever more.

Psalm 121

SUPERMOM...NOT!

This goes out to all the mother's that DON'T have perfect children.  I am writing to those women that DON'T have all the answers and some days feel like they are just making it through the day.  I applaud those of you that sat down on Mother's Day with a nice cup of tea and sighed with contentment drinking in the oasis of peace and joy that is your world.  The rest of us might have been drinking something a big stronger and yelling at our kids to sit still while we try to capture a photo of our little angels. 

I have only been a mother for 11 years, and just when I think I have mastered one stage my boys throw me a curve ball.  Motherhood is not a perfect science and since every child is unique it is hard to even offer advice to my fellow warriors...so I won't even try.  What I will say, however, is that I am finding the key to my contentment as a mother has nothing to do with my children. Let me see if any of these things ring a bell....do  you think you are a successful mother if your children...

Make all A's in school, only create friendships with young people that are kind and respectful, never make mistakes, pray daily, practice their instruments without being reminded, are leaders not followers, receive awards, are well liked by their peers, make the sports teams, graduate at the top of their class, are never disrespectful, clean their rooms, don't talk back, treat their siblings with love, always say please and thank you, (I have not even gotten to the teenage years yet)!

The truth is if we solely judge our success as a parent on the success of our children then we are guiding our family toward destruction. Who even sets the standards for how our offspring measure up?  The world?  Our own dreams for our children?   Unfortunately, our children are not robots and we don't have a  road map on how to get them into adulthood without any major mishaps.  So what is a loving mother to do?

I have decided to take the focus off of my boys and place it on my journey as a parent. I desire to stand firm and battle daily to not let the circumstances that my children face change my stance.  On Mother's Day, I did not look at my children to assess how I was "performing" as a mother.  I looked in the mirror and then hit my knees and asked God for wisdom and guidance.  Perhaps you find yourself going through a rough patch with your child and some days want to throw in the towel.  Keep repeating to yourself...this too shall pass.  There is so much swirling around our children and whether they admit it or not they need a strong, unshakable foundation.

I am going to make many mistakes as a parent, but I have this secret fantasy that I will only share privately on facebook.  One day, I am going to be sitting with my sons reminiscing about he past.  Jake will say something like, "Mom, I don't know how you and Dad held it together with all that life threw at you."  Grant will add, "I know, everyone told you I would struggle and look at how good my life is today."  That is when I will tell them my secret.  God walked beside me and carried me through those days when I could barely take a step.  Until then, I am still going to let them believe I am superMOM...knowing full well that GOD deserves all the glory.

Nicole, Me, and our ANGELS!!!

LOVE ONE ANOTHER

I had a restless night.  Over the past six months, someone I love has suffered two major losses.  Have you ever faced a powerful, aching, overwhelming sadness?  An emotion that brings you to your knees and renders you unable of doing little more than breathing in and out.  How inadequate I feel in these situations where there are no solutions in sight.  I either avoid the darkness all together for fear that somehow if I get too close it will rub off on me, or I dive right in and lose myself in the faulty thinking that I can be a savior. 

In the midst of making my lists of ways I intended to help my loved ones, I decided to consult the only true healer and open up my bible.  Imagine my surprise when I turned to Mark chapter 12 and read clearly what I am called to do for others.  LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.  I meditated on those words last night and this morning and decided to reach out to the person in the middle of the storm.  Two things were on my heart...first let him know he is cared for and loved and second ask HIM what HE needs.  I intend to continue to pray for peace and healing for his entire family, but I have given up the notion that I know what is needed.  God asked me last night to simply love him...but there is nothing simple about that request.  I have to get rid of my ideas and allow God to reveal to me how I can be of service. 

When was the last time you turned to a friend, spouse, child, parent and asked, "how can I love you?"  We have not been asked to speculate, heal, fix, or manipulate....we have been called to love.  My heart is still aching for the list of people all around me that are facing such unbelievable situations.  And yet, I am filled with hope.  I know the ONE that comforts the brokenhearted and I am loved.  Find someone in your world today that needs a hug...I love you!