5 YEAR CELEBRATION!!!

I had been thinking long and hard about what I should do to mark my 5 years as a breast cancer survivor. 5 years ago I had been training to walk a half marathon with my sister Nicole and my best friend Christine.  We had spent many hours walking around a local lake building our endurance, sharing our struggles, and mostly laughing at each other.  I cannot even remember why I was competing in the race, but I am sure it had something to do with looking better or losing weight.  Then I felt "the lump" and my life was turned upside down and inside out. There is an endless list of ways in which my life has been changed by cancer, but this blog is about rejoicing where I am today and looking forward to my future.  When Lisa Miller, my college roommate, told me she was competing in the same race I had been training for years ago I knew exactly how I was going to spend this important anniversary.

First let me start by saying I am not an athlete.  I have had about 5 surgeries over the past 5 years, gained and lost a bunch of weight from medication and treatment (and overeating), entered into menopause, battle the blahs on a daily basis...and did I mention that I am not in the best of shape.  Christine and I started our "training" a couple of months ago with a goal that we would be able to walk a 1/2 marathon in about 3 hours.  We did our best to stay motivated but of course kids, sickness, work, and life gets in the way of our best intentions.  We left for Virginia Beach last weekend and arrived at the Millers house on Saturday to pick up or race packets.  It was so exciting as we walked around the expo pretending to know what all the products and potions were being promoted to all the runners.  We bought a few cute t-shirts for ourselves and then rushed back home so we could get in our prerace meal...we were ready to carb overload.

I was in bed trying to sleep but had left home with the beginning of a cold and was up coughing and worrying about being too sick to finish the race the next day.  We arrived at the Rock'n'Roll VA Beach 1/2 marathon along with 20,000 other participants.  Based on our time we were put in a flight and we waited until it was our time to take off and start walking.  Lisa, Teen, and I were planning on walking together but for some reason I put on my music and just kind of went into a zone.  I spent much of the time observing all the participants around me.  Fathers pushing their handicapped children in strollers, a man with one leg hopping on crutches, groups of people in matching shirts walking in honor/memory of a loved one, and couples holding hands.  There was pain, loss, and victory all around me...and together we walked forward toward the finish.  At about mile 7 something happened to me and I started to run (slowly) and just kept moving forward....there was no reason for it other than the fact that I wanted to show myself that I was strong.

Teen, Lisa, and Me

I finished the race in a little over 3 hours and I am not sure if I can put into words how I felt when the medal was placed around my neck...part of me broke free.  I said goodbye to the patient, the victim, the scared little girl that is always waiting for the next bad thing.  I have to leave her behind if I am going to finish the race that God has set before me.  I thank God for the lessons I have learned, the people that I have the privilege to love, and the support that I continue to receive from my precious friends and family.  I honestly don't know were I am headed...but for the first time in a very long while I have chosen to let go...one foot in front of the other...walking forward...at times slowly...sometimes strong enough to run...but always looking up.