ANOTHER EXCERPT FROM THE UNTITLED AND UNCOMPLETED NOVEL

Summer 1988

I squinted into the blazing sun from the deck of our beach house and smiled smugly.  The eighties had been kind to me.  I stood at 5’9”, sixteen years old, sporting a pair of double D’s threatening to escape the top of my bathing suit. My dark hair was a mass of curls that hung down past my shoulders and survived the endless onslaught of teasing and hairspray. Thanks to my Italian heritage my skin was tanned to a golden brown. I drove a brand new candy apple red car, had a steady boyfriend, and parents that spoiled me.  I fantasized about becoming a beauty pageant contestant and using my talent as a public speaker to change the world.  I had always been bigger than the other girls and continued to struggle with my weight and self- image, but I was certain the next diet I tried would do the trick.  My endless pursuit of perfection was the only aspect of my teenage life that I could control, and so it became my obsession. 

In the distance I could see my father sitting on the beach.  He would spend hours plopped down on a chair reading some enormous book of poetry, art, sports, or whatever interested him at the moment.  He refused to wear sunglasses and would hunch over the pages and squint uncomfortably struggling to read the words in front of him.  My sisters sat close by watching and waiting until the sweat began to puddle on the pages and smear the words.  It was at that moment when he would suddenly jump up and race toward the ocean. We would attack him in the waves splashing and laughing as we all soaked up his warmth.  I noticed my mother trying hard to balance the enormous bag of food, drinks, and towels she was carrying down the long staircase that led to the sand.  She distanced herself outside of our circle of fun as if something was holding her back. She could never compete with the star of the family, and so meeting the needs of others gave shape to the minutes of her existence.   Always the caretaker, she prepared our favorite tuna fish sandwiches including a bag of chips and a soda for each of us. 

My boyfriend gently touched my back as we walked hand in hand toward the promise of the day giggling over the few stolen kisses we had shared the night before.

I could feel his adoration as our eyes met.  I was living my teenage dream and I somehow felt as if I

deserved it all. I eagerly awaited the action filled scenes in my own coming of age adventure.   I was

young, beautiful, cherished, and destined for greatness. 

I could have never imagined as I walked with ease into the summer sun that it would all be taken away.

Missing you today Dad xoxoxox