One of the best parts of having a break from school, is that I can meet my best friend for walks at 6:30 AM. I love starting my day with some sweat, laughter, and prayer. We are both starting to feel more alive now that the sunshine has arrived.
Icy mornings cancelled more than one day of school this winter. Christine and I would take advantage of my days off from school and try to meet before she had to go to work. The roads were not hazardous on one particular morning, but the shadowy trail that we walked had some icy spots that posed a risk. As we walked our first loop around the track, I slipped on a patch of ice and just caught myself before falling on the hard cement. We continued walking and again I found myself skidding on the exact spot. I chuckled while attempting to explain my carelessness. However, once I went over the sheet of ice a third time, both of us stopped and looked at each other with wide eyes of disbelief.
Someone recently pointed out to me that I am extremely stubborn. Honestly, I have never believed that I embodied this particular trait. I started to examine the way that I make decisions and how I approach change. My stubbornness is not the "I won't give up in the face of adversity" variety. It is more like the "I think I am right" inflexibility that refuses to entertain another perspective. I am drawn to the comfortable path that causes me to slip, fall, and perhaps hurt myself. Just like that cold morning when I continued walking over the same patch of ice, I refuse to admit that the carefully set plan that guides my days might be harmful.
Why would someone keep doing the same thing over and over again if it causes nothing but heartache? I can only answer for myself. I don't want to surrender. I don't want to give up control. I don't want to admit that I don't know what the hell I am doing. I profess to be a Christian, but when it comes right down to it, I don't trust the Creator of everything to take care of me. He might want me to give up some things or people that I want to keep. As I write these words, I am ashamed to admit that my stubbornness has caused pain and suffering. This discovery, although profound, did not cause an instant revision of how I live. I have been forced to minute by minute submit my will and acknowledge that His way is perfect. When fear creeps in, I think of that slippery piece of ice, and purposely walk away from the danger ahead.
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