Being tracked out from school/work gives me the time to meditate, exercise, organize my house, scrapbook, and just bring everything in my world into clear focus again. I said I have the time to do all those things, but most days you will find me curled up under a blanket watching television. I get so caught up in the stories on the screen that my mind gets a break from my own reality. Always the student, I have discovered some pearls of wisdom hidden in some of my favorite shows that I would like to share at this time.
Hell's Kitchen/Master Chef: Gordon Ramsey is the Simon Cowell of the kitchen. He yells, screams, throws food in the trash, and demeans individuals that put their heart and soul into their culinary creations. I am drawn to his passion and ability to speak the truth. I am not saying that I want to be yelled at or that I should scream at my loved ones...but perhaps I would not spend so much time on the couch if I had a Gordon Ramsey in my life. These shows have taught me that there is such a thing as tough love and fear can sometimes bring out the best in us. Oh, and I also learned that I am a horrible cook.
Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew: All kidding aside, this show highlights that hideous ways that addiction affects our lives. Sadly, drug and alcohol use is encouraged and accepted in our society. Surrender is a huge lesson that the addicts must embrace on the show. I use so many things to numb the pain that I have in my own life and know that I must begin to let go so that I can have a life of freedom. I also discovered why Lindsay Lohan is such a mess...yes addiction does run in families. The best gift we can give our children is to take care of our own stuff so that we don't pass it on to the next generation.
So You Think You Can Dance: This entertaining show proves that dance is alive and that I am a broken down mess that can barely get out of bed in the morning. The choreography, music, and competition are all entertaining but it is the bodies that keep me tuning in. I imagine this is how God intended us to look like before we decide to become gluttons. I know that Matt will never run around in tight jeans, bare chested, with toes pointed all the while lifting my perfectly sculpted body through the air...but a girl can dream can't she?
American Pickers: Mike and Frank are two friends that travel across the United States and pick through other people's trash to find treasures. There is a historical aspect of this show that is interesting as the viewers learn information about toys, bicycles, guns, and cars from years gone by. Getting a peek into the lives of people from all walks of life is entertaining. The hot tattooed girl, Danni D, that tells these guys where to travel to "pick" is Matt's favorite part of the show. Considering I throw everything out after about a week I don't think these guys will be coming to my door anytime, but this show proves that old things and the stories they hold are indeed treasures.
Law and Order: I will watch any L&O that happens to be on, but my real passion is Special Victims Unit. The subject matter is disgusting, but the characters are like part of my family. Mariska Hargitay as Olivia Benson rocks a tight shirt and gun holster like no other woman. I like her best in the old versions with her short hair and perfect lip liner. Christoper Meloni as Elliot Stabler, is the military man turned bad ass cop. I don't know when he has time to workout but he is rock hard. Elliot is married and has 4 kids but he spends so much time at work that I always hoped something would happen between him and Olivia. You throw in Finn and Munch and you got yourself a dream team! My sister and I think there is something about the "tink tink" that comes on in the beginning that hypnotizes you and makes you have to watch the show. How else can I explain watching the same episode like 10 times. If I could get back the hours I have spent on this show I am sure that I would have my own book written by now. I am powerless...I must watch SVU over and over and over and over....Honestly, I don't think there is way I can spin this obsession and actually pretend I have learned anything from the show.
Now that you have had a peek into the productive days of Jamie Howard, I am certain you will never read this blog again. When I start to beat myself up about all the time I have wasted I watch an episode of Hoarders and see how messy those people are and then feel better about myself. I gotta run because I have a very busy day ahead of me today. Got a few American Pickers on the DVR and then the SVU marathon starts after lunch.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
BLOWING IN THE WIND
If you have ever noticed a piece of paper tumbling in the wind you can relate to how I am feeling these days. Lately, I have been drifting. Grief, change, and constant toil have left little time for reflection and recovery. Although much has been accomplished...I have lost sight of my center. What anchors you when the craziness of life threatens to blow you away? Where is your resting place when you are in need of a fresh outlook? In the midst of constant change, what is the one thing that remains?
I have spent the last 6 months working with the most wonderful group of people. I especially have bonded with two teachers on my team. I have thanked God daily for giving me such a special gift and blessing my life so richly with these new friendships. Last week, I had to leave the school and people that have become so dear to me. I have shed so many tears over the weekend. I was lucky enough to get another position, but have been acting like a spoiled child that has had to leave the toy store without a present. I wanted to stay at my old school! I wanted to be with these precious people that I have grown to love! My job had become the anchor that brought meaning to my days. Naturally, when it was taken away I became lost. Instead of preparing myself for the miracles that will come with my new adventure, I have been spending my days grieving the losses of yesterday. I have not just focused on the job, but decided to make a mental tally of ALL of the wrongs that I have experienced.
This blog serves as my wake up call...it is time to throw down the anchor and stand firm on the divine place where I am today. I know WHO is my protector and all the wind, rain, pain, loss, change, challenges...will never alter the path that He has for me. Are you in need of a protector?
The Lord protects you; The Lord is a shelter right by your side. The Lord will protect your coming and going both now and forever more.
Psalm 121
I have spent the last 6 months working with the most wonderful group of people. I especially have bonded with two teachers on my team. I have thanked God daily for giving me such a special gift and blessing my life so richly with these new friendships. Last week, I had to leave the school and people that have become so dear to me. I have shed so many tears over the weekend. I was lucky enough to get another position, but have been acting like a spoiled child that has had to leave the toy store without a present. I wanted to stay at my old school! I wanted to be with these precious people that I have grown to love! My job had become the anchor that brought meaning to my days. Naturally, when it was taken away I became lost. Instead of preparing myself for the miracles that will come with my new adventure, I have been spending my days grieving the losses of yesterday. I have not just focused on the job, but decided to make a mental tally of ALL of the wrongs that I have experienced.
This blog serves as my wake up call...it is time to throw down the anchor and stand firm on the divine place where I am today. I know WHO is my protector and all the wind, rain, pain, loss, change, challenges...will never alter the path that He has for me. Are you in need of a protector?
The Lord protects you; The Lord is a shelter right by your side. The Lord will protect your coming and going both now and forever more.
Psalm 121
Monday, May 9, 2011
SUPERMOM...NOT!
This goes out to all the mother's that DON'T have perfect children. I am writing to those women that DON'T have all the answers and some days feel like they are just making it through the day. I applaud those of you that sat down on Mother's Day with a nice cup of tea and sighed with contentment drinking in the oasis of peace and joy that is your world. The rest of us might have been drinking something a big stronger and yelling at our kids to sit still while we try to capture a photo of our little angels.
I have only been a mother for 11 years, and just when I think I have mastered one stage my boys throw me a curve ball. Motherhood is not a perfect science and since every child is unique it is hard to even offer advice to my fellow warriors...so I won't even try. What I will say, however, is that I am finding the key to my contentment as a mother has nothing to do with my children. Let me see if any of these things ring a bell....do you think you are a successful mother if your children...
Make all A's in school, only create friendships with young people that are kind and respectful, never make mistakes, pray daily, practice their instruments without being reminded, are leaders not followers, receive awards, are well liked by their peers, make the sports teams, graduate at the top of their class, are never disrespectful, clean their rooms, don't talk back, treat their siblings with love, always say please and thank you, (I have not even gotten to the teenage years yet)!
The truth is if we solely judge our success as a parent on the success of our children then we are guiding our family toward destruction. Who even sets the standards for how our offspring measure up? The world? Our own dreams for our children? Unfortunately, our children are not robots and we don't have a road map on how to get them into adulthood without any major mishaps. So what is a loving mother to do?
I have decided to take the focus off of my boys and place it on my journey as a parent. I desire to stand firm and battle daily to not let the circumstances that my children face change my stance. On Mother's Day, I did not look at my children to assess how I was "performing" as a mother. I looked in the mirror and then hit my knees and asked God for wisdom and guidance. Perhaps you find yourself going through a rough patch with your child and some days want to throw in the towel. Keep repeating to yourself...this too shall pass. There is so much swirling around our children and whether they admit it or not they need a strong, unshakable foundation.
I am going to make many mistakes as a parent, but I have this secret fantasy that I will only share privately on facebook. One day, I am going to be sitting with my sons reminiscing about he past. Jake will say something like, "Mom, I don't know how you and Dad held it together with all that life threw at you." Grant will add, "I know, everyone told you I would struggle and look at how good my life is today." That is when I will tell them my secret. God walked beside me and carried me through those days when I could barely take a step. Until then, I am still going to let them believe I am superMOM...knowing full well that GOD deserves all the glory.
I have only been a mother for 11 years, and just when I think I have mastered one stage my boys throw me a curve ball. Motherhood is not a perfect science and since every child is unique it is hard to even offer advice to my fellow warriors...so I won't even try. What I will say, however, is that I am finding the key to my contentment as a mother has nothing to do with my children. Let me see if any of these things ring a bell....do you think you are a successful mother if your children...
Make all A's in school, only create friendships with young people that are kind and respectful, never make mistakes, pray daily, practice their instruments without being reminded, are leaders not followers, receive awards, are well liked by their peers, make the sports teams, graduate at the top of their class, are never disrespectful, clean their rooms, don't talk back, treat their siblings with love, always say please and thank you, (I have not even gotten to the teenage years yet)!
The truth is if we solely judge our success as a parent on the success of our children then we are guiding our family toward destruction. Who even sets the standards for how our offspring measure up? The world? Our own dreams for our children? Unfortunately, our children are not robots and we don't have a road map on how to get them into adulthood without any major mishaps. So what is a loving mother to do?
I have decided to take the focus off of my boys and place it on my journey as a parent. I desire to stand firm and battle daily to not let the circumstances that my children face change my stance. On Mother's Day, I did not look at my children to assess how I was "performing" as a mother. I looked in the mirror and then hit my knees and asked God for wisdom and guidance. Perhaps you find yourself going through a rough patch with your child and some days want to throw in the towel. Keep repeating to yourself...this too shall pass. There is so much swirling around our children and whether they admit it or not they need a strong, unshakable foundation.
I am going to make many mistakes as a parent, but I have this secret fantasy that I will only share privately on facebook. One day, I am going to be sitting with my sons reminiscing about he past. Jake will say something like, "Mom, I don't know how you and Dad held it together with all that life threw at you." Grant will add, "I know, everyone told you I would struggle and look at how good my life is today." That is when I will tell them my secret. God walked beside me and carried me through those days when I could barely take a step. Until then, I am still going to let them believe I am superMOM...knowing full well that GOD deserves all the glory.
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| Nicole, Me, and our ANGELS!!! |
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
LOVE ONE ANOTHER
I had a restless night. Over the past six months, someone I love has suffered two major losses. Have you ever faced a powerful, aching, overwhelming sadness? An emotion that brings you to your knees and renders you unable of doing little more than breathing in and out. How inadequate I feel in these situations where there are no solutions in sight. I either avoid the darkness all together for fear that somehow if I get too close it will rub off on me, or I dive right in and lose myself in the faulty thinking that I can be a savior.
In the midst of making my lists of ways I intended to help my loved ones, I decided to consult the only true healer and open up my bible. Imagine my surprise when I turned to Mark chapter 12 and read clearly what I am called to do for others. LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF. I meditated on those words last night and this morning and decided to reach out to the person in the middle of the storm. Two things were on my heart...first let him know he is cared for and loved and second ask HIM what HE needs. I intend to continue to pray for peace and healing for his entire family, but I have given up the notion that I know what is needed. God asked me last night to simply love him...but there is nothing simple about that request. I have to get rid of my ideas and allow God to reveal to me how I can be of service.
When was the last time you turned to a friend, spouse, child, parent and asked, "how can I love you?" We have not been asked to speculate, heal, fix, or manipulate....we have been called to love. My heart is still aching for the list of people all around me that are facing such unbelievable situations. And yet, I am filled with hope. I know the ONE that comforts the brokenhearted and I am loved. Find someone in your world today that needs a hug...I love you!
Monday, May 2, 2011
SOMEBODY IS WATCHING YOU!
January 5, 2011
Fear washed over me as I faced the first day of work. The school parking lot was empty since the early bell would not ring for another 15 mintues. The clock glowed 6:45 AM .... the time that Christine and I had set aside for quiet. Today, I knew I needed an extra dose of peace and grace to calm my nerves. I bowed my head, closed my eyes, took a deep breath.....
April 28, 2011
Prayer has changed MY very existence. Prayer has sustained ME. Prayer has allowed ME to hear the whispers of God. Even when I lift loved ones up, somehow eventually the focus seems to always come back to ME (that will not come as a shock to anyone that knows me well).
Imagine my surprise when one day a coworker asked me if I was a spy. I thought she was referencing the fact that I wore black everyday, but that is a whole seperate issue. She actually wanted to know why I sat in my car in an empty parking lot whispering into my cell phone every morning. I shared with her a little about my relationship with Christine and how we had been praying together for over 4 years. She was honestly interested and asked many questions that got me thinking. I have been so touched by our conversation and in particular one poignant question keeps chasing me..."Why do you pray?"
Has praying become a habit? Is it jolt to get my day going like a cup of coffee? Am I afraid that if I don't pour out all my concerns and worries everyday God will somehow forget me? Am I just trying to get my way in specific situations? Do I just want to talk to Christine without the kids interrupting? A precious exchange with a new aquaintance made me dig a little deeper.
I pray to remind myself to keep my eyes on Him. There is no need to remind the Creator that I need a little attention. I am the one that loses focus. To truly be changed I must lose myself...lay it all at His feet...focus on how I can be used to bless others. Outwardly, my new friend might have walked away impressed with my obedience. How many people around us can say that we are actually "walking the walk" and not just praying the talk? Don't get me wrong, I am not beating myself up at all. I am actually energized and blessed beyond words. God reminded me that he is always watching and I don't want to miss a moment where I can bless someone and bring Him glory.
Fear washed over me as I faced the first day of work. The school parking lot was empty since the early bell would not ring for another 15 mintues. The clock glowed 6:45 AM .... the time that Christine and I had set aside for quiet. Today, I knew I needed an extra dose of peace and grace to calm my nerves. I bowed my head, closed my eyes, took a deep breath.....
April 28, 2011
Prayer has changed MY very existence. Prayer has sustained ME. Prayer has allowed ME to hear the whispers of God. Even when I lift loved ones up, somehow eventually the focus seems to always come back to ME (that will not come as a shock to anyone that knows me well).
Imagine my surprise when one day a coworker asked me if I was a spy. I thought she was referencing the fact that I wore black everyday, but that is a whole seperate issue. She actually wanted to know why I sat in my car in an empty parking lot whispering into my cell phone every morning. I shared with her a little about my relationship with Christine and how we had been praying together for over 4 years. She was honestly interested and asked many questions that got me thinking. I have been so touched by our conversation and in particular one poignant question keeps chasing me..."Why do you pray?"
Has praying become a habit? Is it jolt to get my day going like a cup of coffee? Am I afraid that if I don't pour out all my concerns and worries everyday God will somehow forget me? Am I just trying to get my way in specific situations? Do I just want to talk to Christine without the kids interrupting? A precious exchange with a new aquaintance made me dig a little deeper.
I pray to remind myself to keep my eyes on Him. There is no need to remind the Creator that I need a little attention. I am the one that loses focus. To truly be changed I must lose myself...lay it all at His feet...focus on how I can be used to bless others. Outwardly, my new friend might have walked away impressed with my obedience. How many people around us can say that we are actually "walking the walk" and not just praying the talk? Don't get me wrong, I am not beating myself up at all. I am actually energized and blessed beyond words. God reminded me that he is always watching and I don't want to miss a moment where I can bless someone and bring Him glory.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
OUR INNER FLAMES
As I looked into the faces of the 87 students that filtered through my class each week I marveled at the myriad of emotions that washed over me. There were the energetic children that seemed excited and content with life. The cool kids that were far more interested in their peers than anything I had to offer. Those students organized and prepared for every question I presented. Shy girls that barely looked me in the eye but had magic hidden inside that would blossom with the passing years. Handsome and polite young men that reminded me of the two young boys I was raising at home. And yet, one type of student haunted me. The young person that sat at their desk with no sense of purpose. It seemed the light in the center of their being was gone. Depressed and apathetic they simply went through the motions of the day. I heard stories of sad and troubled situations and my heart ached for each and every one of them. I wanted to tell them that no matter what life brings they can thrive. I wanted them to feel loved and cherished, but instead I had to stick to my lesson plans...or did I?
One of my Dad's favorite quotes was from Albert Schweitzer....Sometimes our flame goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being. There are far too many children living with hopelessness and depression. I wanted to blame the parents of the children in my class for their condition, but I was convicted when I thought about the way in which I live. Do my children see me only struggling and complaining? Do I share with them the joys and successes or only the hardships? Do they see me living with gratitude and joy...praising God no matter the circumstances? Have I lost the ability to laugh and play with my kids? Can they see my spiritual flame flickering and bringing light to a world in need of love? I want to be the type of wife, parent, friend, child, and teacher that lifts people up. I am so thankful that I am still warmed by the Holy Spirit that has enabled me to endure and press on through some tough stuff.
Each of you have the ability to impact the lives of the people around you. Please take special care with the children that come into your world. They need our support so that they can reach their full potential. I am not naive enough to believe that in a few short months I can change the direction of the young people in my class...but I am going to give it my best shot. Pray that I can spark something inside of them that allows them to see past their circumstances and dream for a bright future. I pray the same for you...let your light shine today.
One of my Dad's favorite quotes was from Albert Schweitzer....Sometimes our flame goes out, but is blown again into instant flame by an encounter with another human being. There are far too many children living with hopelessness and depression. I wanted to blame the parents of the children in my class for their condition, but I was convicted when I thought about the way in which I live. Do my children see me only struggling and complaining? Do I share with them the joys and successes or only the hardships? Do they see me living with gratitude and joy...praising God no matter the circumstances? Have I lost the ability to laugh and play with my kids? Can they see my spiritual flame flickering and bringing light to a world in need of love? I want to be the type of wife, parent, friend, child, and teacher that lifts people up. I am so thankful that I am still warmed by the Holy Spirit that has enabled me to endure and press on through some tough stuff.
Each of you have the ability to impact the lives of the people around you. Please take special care with the children that come into your world. They need our support so that they can reach their full potential. I am not naive enough to believe that in a few short months I can change the direction of the young people in my class...but I am going to give it my best shot. Pray that I can spark something inside of them that allows them to see past their circumstances and dream for a bright future. I pray the same for you...let your light shine today.
Monday, January 24, 2011
COMFORT OR COURAGE
I have been marinating in thoughts of courage lately. A soldier on the front lines battling the enemy is courageous. An activist standing up for their beliefs and trying to make a difference in the world is courageous. How about a peace corp worker traveling to a foreign land to bring hope to the suffering...wow...that is courage. Most days I feel like a lumpy well used chair that sits in the corner and longs to just be comfortable. This very morning I came face to face with courage from a very unusual source...my 8 year old son.
Grant lives his days governed by well established self imposed routines. He likes his shoes put away in the basket, TV remotes on the cofeetable, doors shut, fans on...think you got the picture. He has been out of school for the last 3 weeks for winter break and this morning he had to go back to class. Last night as we prayed before bed he completely covered his brother asking God "to watch over Jake when he goes to school and help him do the right thing." He made a point of leaving himself out of the prayers because he was staying home with Mommy. After hanging up the phone with Teen this morning at 7:00 I cuddled with both boys. Grant quietly asked me, "Mom, I am not going to school?" I told him it was Monday and that he had to go back to school. His worst nightmare had become a reality and his face crinkled up as he raged..."Noooooooooooooooo!" I calmed him down and told him that we would just go downstairs and take a bath and eat breakfast. He was unusually quiet during the rest of the morning and then he came up to me in the kitchen and said, "Mom, I am going to do the right thing and listen to my teacher today." When I dropped him off this morning he leaned in and asked me to blow him a kiss before he closed the car door.
As I drove back home I realized I had seen courage in action. The challenges that Grant faces at school are sometimes frightening to him. He still asks me everyday if there is going to be a tornado drill because the nightmare of the last one still lingers. He does not want to go to school because it is going to be hard and his teachers are going to push him out of his comfort zone. They want him to realize his full potential and use his gifts each and everyday. I could see the fear on Grant's face when he knew that he had to go this morning, but I also witnessed the transformation in him as he made a choice to step out and do the right thing. In making that decision Grant reminded me that Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world.
Some days it is hard to not feel overwhelmed by the tasks that are set before us. Like Grant I want to cry out and stay inside my house where it is safe and warm. God cannot use us when we refuse to walk forward in faith. All day today I will be thinking about Grant and sending him thoughts of love. When I go to pick him up I will make sure he knows how proud I am of him. Just imagine how much God rejoices when we do the right thing. Thank you my sweet boy for always showing me how to live with courage.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you, he will never leave you or forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6
Grant lives his days governed by well established self imposed routines. He likes his shoes put away in the basket, TV remotes on the cofeetable, doors shut, fans on...think you got the picture. He has been out of school for the last 3 weeks for winter break and this morning he had to go back to class. Last night as we prayed before bed he completely covered his brother asking God "to watch over Jake when he goes to school and help him do the right thing." He made a point of leaving himself out of the prayers because he was staying home with Mommy. After hanging up the phone with Teen this morning at 7:00 I cuddled with both boys. Grant quietly asked me, "Mom, I am not going to school?" I told him it was Monday and that he had to go back to school. His worst nightmare had become a reality and his face crinkled up as he raged..."Noooooooooooooooo!" I calmed him down and told him that we would just go downstairs and take a bath and eat breakfast. He was unusually quiet during the rest of the morning and then he came up to me in the kitchen and said, "Mom, I am going to do the right thing and listen to my teacher today." When I dropped him off this morning he leaned in and asked me to blow him a kiss before he closed the car door.
As I drove back home I realized I had seen courage in action. The challenges that Grant faces at school are sometimes frightening to him. He still asks me everyday if there is going to be a tornado drill because the nightmare of the last one still lingers. He does not want to go to school because it is going to be hard and his teachers are going to push him out of his comfort zone. They want him to realize his full potential and use his gifts each and everyday. I could see the fear on Grant's face when he knew that he had to go this morning, but I also witnessed the transformation in him as he made a choice to step out and do the right thing. In making that decision Grant reminded me that Greater is He who is in us than he who is in the world.
Some days it is hard to not feel overwhelmed by the tasks that are set before us. Like Grant I want to cry out and stay inside my house where it is safe and warm. God cannot use us when we refuse to walk forward in faith. All day today I will be thinking about Grant and sending him thoughts of love. When I go to pick him up I will make sure he knows how proud I am of him. Just imagine how much God rejoices when we do the right thing. Thank you my sweet boy for always showing me how to live with courage.
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you, he will never leave you or forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6
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| Grant hanging out with cousin Allie |
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