SUPERMOM...NOT!

This goes out to all the mother's that DON'T have perfect children.  I am writing to those women that DON'T have all the answers and some days feel like they are just making it through the day.  I applaud those of you that sat down on Mother's Day with a nice cup of tea and sighed with contentment drinking in the oasis of peace and joy that is your world.  The rest of us might have been drinking something a big stronger and yelling at our kids to sit still while we try to capture a photo of our little angels. 

I have only been a mother for 11 years, and just when I think I have mastered one stage my boys throw me a curve ball.  Motherhood is not a perfect science and since every child is unique it is hard to even offer advice to my fellow warriors...so I won't even try.  What I will say, however, is that I am finding the key to my contentment as a mother has nothing to do with my children. Let me see if any of these things ring a bell....do  you think you are a successful mother if your children...

Make all A's in school, only create friendships with young people that are kind and respectful, never make mistakes, pray daily, practice their instruments without being reminded, are leaders not followers, receive awards, are well liked by their peers, make the sports teams, graduate at the top of their class, are never disrespectful, clean their rooms, don't talk back, treat their siblings with love, always say please and thank you, (I have not even gotten to the teenage years yet)!

The truth is if we solely judge our success as a parent on the success of our children then we are guiding our family toward destruction. Who even sets the standards for how our offspring measure up?  The world?  Our own dreams for our children?   Unfortunately, our children are not robots and we don't have a  road map on how to get them into adulthood without any major mishaps.  So what is a loving mother to do?

I have decided to take the focus off of my boys and place it on my journey as a parent. I desire to stand firm and battle daily to not let the circumstances that my children face change my stance.  On Mother's Day, I did not look at my children to assess how I was "performing" as a mother.  I looked in the mirror and then hit my knees and asked God for wisdom and guidance.  Perhaps you find yourself going through a rough patch with your child and some days want to throw in the towel.  Keep repeating to yourself...this too shall pass.  There is so much swirling around our children and whether they admit it or not they need a strong, unshakable foundation.

I am going to make many mistakes as a parent, but I have this secret fantasy that I will only share privately on facebook.  One day, I am going to be sitting with my sons reminiscing about he past.  Jake will say something like, "Mom, I don't know how you and Dad held it together with all that life threw at you."  Grant will add, "I know, everyone told you I would struggle and look at how good my life is today."  That is when I will tell them my secret.  God walked beside me and carried me through those days when I could barely take a step.  Until then, I am still going to let them believe I am superMOM...knowing full well that GOD deserves all the glory.

Nicole, Me, and our ANGELS!!!

LOVE ONE ANOTHER

I had a restless night.  Over the past six months, someone I love has suffered two major losses.  Have you ever faced a powerful, aching, overwhelming sadness?  An emotion that brings you to your knees and renders you unable of doing little more than breathing in and out.  How inadequate I feel in these situations where there are no solutions in sight.  I either avoid the darkness all together for fear that somehow if I get too close it will rub off on me, or I dive right in and lose myself in the faulty thinking that I can be a savior. 

In the midst of making my lists of ways I intended to help my loved ones, I decided to consult the only true healer and open up my bible.  Imagine my surprise when I turned to Mark chapter 12 and read clearly what I am called to do for others.  LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF.  I meditated on those words last night and this morning and decided to reach out to the person in the middle of the storm.  Two things were on my heart...first let him know he is cared for and loved and second ask HIM what HE needs.  I intend to continue to pray for peace and healing for his entire family, but I have given up the notion that I know what is needed.  God asked me last night to simply love him...but there is nothing simple about that request.  I have to get rid of my ideas and allow God to reveal to me how I can be of service. 

When was the last time you turned to a friend, spouse, child, parent and asked, "how can I love you?"  We have not been asked to speculate, heal, fix, or manipulate....we have been called to love.  My heart is still aching for the list of people all around me that are facing such unbelievable situations.  And yet, I am filled with hope.  I know the ONE that comforts the brokenhearted and I am loved.  Find someone in your world today that needs a hug...I love you!

SOMEBODY IS WATCHING YOU!

January 5, 2011

Fear washed over me as I faced the first day of work.  The school parking lot was empty since the early bell would not ring for another 15 mintues.  The clock glowed 6:45 AM .... the time that Christine and I had set aside for quiet. Today, I knew I needed an extra dose of peace and grace to calm my nerves.  I bowed my head, closed my eyes, took a deep breath..... 

April 28, 2011

Prayer has changed MY very existence.  Prayer has sustained ME. Prayer has allowed ME to hear the whispers of God.  Even when I lift loved ones up, somehow eventually the focus seems to always come back to ME (that will not come as a shock to anyone that knows me well). 

Imagine my surprise when  one day a coworker asked me if I was a spy.  I thought she was referencing the fact that I wore black everyday, but that is a whole seperate issue.  She actually wanted to know why I sat in my car in an empty parking lot whispering into my cell phone every morning.  I shared with her a little about my relationship with Christine and how we had been praying together for over 4 years.   She was honestly interested and asked many questions that got me thinking. I have been so touched by our conversation and in particular one poignant question keeps chasing me..."Why do you pray?"

Has praying become a habit?  Is it jolt to get my day going like a cup of coffee? Am I afraid that if I don't pour out all my concerns and worries everyday God will somehow forget me?  Am I just trying to get my way in specific situations? Do I just want to talk to Christine without the kids interrupting?  A precious exchange with a new aquaintance made me dig a little deeper.

I pray to remind myself to keep my eyes on Him.  There is no need to remind the Creator that I need a little attention.  I am the one that loses focus.  To truly be changed I must lose myself...lay it all at His feet...focus on how I can be used to bless others.  Outwardly, my new friend might have walked away impressed with my obedience.  How many people around us can say that we are actually "walking the walk" and not just praying the talk?  Don't get me wrong, I am not beating myself up at all.  I am actually energized and blessed beyond words.  God reminded me that he is always watching and I don't want to miss a moment where I can bless someone and bring Him glory.