NEVER LET GO!

I miss holding hands.  The spark that warms you simply by interlacing your fingers with another person.  The knowledge that someone is walking beside you, offering support and love as you travel the slippery slopes together. 

When I was pregnant I remember seeing swollen bellies everywhere.  Now that I am single, it seems as if I catch every Match.com, "He went to Jared", and Sandals resort commercial on television.  I often feel like I am in a cruel game of musical men and I have to hurry up and grab one before the song abruptly ends.  I have spent the two years since my divorce seriously grieving the loss of the dream that I once held dear, and painfully evaluating what went wrong.

After sharing an eye opening discussion with a wise single friend of mine, I spent some time in prayer.  God whispered something to me that calmed my anxious heart.  "You're still focused on crumbs, when I desire to give you so much more."   Our humanness forces us to find something...anything....anyone that will distract us from the real heart of the matter.  There is nothing and no one that can fix or heal our brokenness.  So what is a lonely girl to do?

Believe in myself.  Trust God. Pray. Pray some more. Study His word. Raise my children. Surround myself with people that I love.  Serve others. Exercise self-control. Be Grateful. Use my gifts. Be Patient. Don't Settle. Dream. Be Courageous.

I don't know when, or where, or even if I will meet him, but I do know one thing for sure...once I find that hand to hold...I am never letting go. 

THANK YOU STUART SCOTT

 

 

 

 

Days pass and string together into months and years of living.  We are often unable to slow down long enough to savor the good times or heal from the losses.  At this very moment, my deepest wish is to stop everything and sit quietly with my powerful emotions.  I fear the happenings of the day will slip through my consciousness, and I will forget the miracle...and so I must record a few of my thoughts.

I was honored to be present at the celebration of Stuart Scott's life today.  Words are incapable of expressing the pure love that filled the church.  Friends had us erupting in laughter as they shared private memories of their beloved Stuart.  His siblings taught me the indelible impact parents have on their children and the magical bonds that are created between brothers and sisters.  The musical tribute performed by his lovely daughters, Taelor and Sydni, was not of this world.  I mourned for these people that would spend the rest of their lives without this dear man, but I could not help but rejoice.  None of us are certain of the number of breaths we will be given on this earth, but we can control how we spend that time...and this man did not waste a second. 

The powerful message that was shared by the Reverend Dr. David C. Forbes left no doubt why we had gathered together.  The biblical truths shared calmed my soul and provided a glimpse into the heart of the Scott family.  The Reverend  boldly stated that we can choose everlasting life through faith in Jesus Christ, or we could go to hell.  There were many shocked faces sitting in the church, but if it would have been appropriate, I would have stood on my chair and applauded.  There will be millions of decisions that we are forced to make in our lifetime, but none more essential than this one.  My life is complicated and messy, but today I was reminded that I have clearly made my choice.

I want to thrash on the floor kicking and screaming in anger and grief, but I know my Dad and Stuart would expect so much more of me.  All that is left for me to do is steal a small piece of their courage, take a deep breath, and soar.  I will love and cherish my children, stay dedicated to the fight against cancer, and share my deep faith that guides my every step.  My sincere desire  is take every gift, talent, and blessing that I have inside of me and spend the rest of my days pouring them out until there is nothing left. Then, I will truly be able to rest in peace.