STOP TALKING

I am a verbal person.  I love to talk.  I like the sound of my own voice telling various people the same stories over and over again.   I don't even need you to comment.  In fact, if you want to put the phone on mute or begin to mentally prepare your weekly shopping list that is fine with me. All I really need you to do is agree with everything I say.  Sometimes I might actually have some kernel of wisdom to share with you, but for the most part I just want to complain.  If by chance I actually stumble upon a solution to an issue I am wrestling with it hardly has time to settle in before I am off to find the next victim that must endure my futile ramblings.  All of this was working great for me until my 7 year old son decided to put a stop to this nonsense.

Let me introduce you to my son, Grant Matthew Howard.  He is the most unique, frustrating, lovable person in my world.  He suffered a stroke when I was pregnant with him and as a result he has been labeled with a variety of medical conditions.  To say that he marches to the beat of a different drummer doesn't begin to capture his personality.  His dark black hair resembles the pelt from some wild animal that never gets wet and refuses to be tamed by any traditional grooming aid.  Dark eyes fringed with thick, black lashes express the million emotions that he struggles to put into words.  His toothy grin resembles Sponge Bob Square Pants (those of you with children will get that reference) and will most definitely require braces.  I just love his nose..it looks like a little cherry sitting in the middle of his face.  If I had to come up with one word to capture his essence it would be STUBBORN.  Whenever I am trying to have a teachable moment and explain something super essential to his development he brings his face close to mine, takes his little hand and covers my mouth, and states simply, "Mom- stop talking."  The first time he did this I was so stunned I did not know how to respond.  Had he been openly disrespectful and said "shut up" I would have been angry.  But he was just tired of hearing me lecture and wanted me quiet.  Hmmmm.....it made me think for a minute.  What would happen if I was not able to express all the crazy musings that constantly run through my mind?  What if...now I am just wondering here...but what if I actually spent some time in silence everyday...maybe even prayed or wrote my thoughts in a journal...sifted through the rubble and only spoke the words that had survived.  Would I discover that the answers to many of my questions had been inside of me waiting to be heard?

Grant has given me the permission to embark on this radical experiment.  Can I really think before I speak?  There are many reasons why we must communicate with others but honestly I don't think it is to have our every thought, desire, and frustration expressed.  I say all the time that I would never want to be my friend because it is way to exhausting.  I don't want to talk AT my children, friends, and family.  I truly want to hear what you have to say and I want both of us to go away feeling good about the time we have spent together.  I am certain there are hidden treasures wanting to break free as I begin to listen to my inner voice. Spoken words have power and I want mine to encourage, heal, and bless.

 If you find yourself talking to me and your eyes start to glaze over and you think to yourself, "here she goes again" I give you permission to put your hand over my constantly moving mouth and quietly whisper to me, "Jamie, stop talking."  Silence is my new best friend and I believe she has some things that she wants to say....are you listening?  

My boy full of joy