TRASH DAY

Thursdays are trash day for my home.  The day before I love going from room to room and gathering all the garbage.  I go through the fridge and discard all the uneaten meals.  Grocery lists, invitations for events passed, papers from schools, expired coupons all gone. I roll the garbage can out to the curb and walk away confident that I won't have to deal with that stuff again...out with the old and in with the new.  As I hear the rumble of the garbage truck in the early hours of the morning I smile praising myself for being so efficient and organized. 

I confess that I am intrigued by the show Hoarders.  These poor people living under mounds of trash and filth in their homes.  The people emotionally breakdown if they have to let go of their bottle cap collections or throw away food that has spoiled.  I honestly never understood why I liked the show, but after each episode I can turn off the television and be happy that at least I don't have that problem.  Photos and cards are really the only things that I collect and I am constantly at odds with my 10 year old son when his Pokemon cards, books, glass figurines, Lego men, pens, erasers, silly bandz, explode all over the house.  It is not as if he uses any of those things on a daily basis so why does he need all of it?

After much soul searching I have come to a painful but accurate conclusion...I am an emotional hoarder.  I have spent the years of my life gathering pain, failure, disappointment, loss, and depression.  These feelings serve as my constant companions and shape the way I live my life.  If  you are unfortunate enough to find yourself serving as a member of my support system you can no doubt attest to the amount of time I spend reliving the heartaches of my past.  Don't get me wrong you have to feel what is going in your life. You cannot shove it down and not deal with reality, but when is it time to move on?  At what moment do you say to yourself "that sucks" and throw the experience away?  There is no room for hope, laughter, and light to grow in our souls when we remain stuck in the pain of the past. 

The apostle Paul had some great advice to share on this subject when he wrote to the Philippians.  In essence he said I have not fully been able to reach my goal of living in total surrender but he says one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Feel it, grieve it, learn from it, and then let it go.  Just like I so easily throw away unwanted items into the trash and allow them to be hauled away never to think on them again...if I want to live in peace and victory I have to stop holding on to the things of the past that keep me stuck in this emotional roller coaster.

Today is trash day and I think I will go fill up the can with some pain, discouragement, fear, weakness, negative thinking, jealousy, anger, and hurt.  And I will press on...